Facie’s Ramblings

When you have a baby, you are (usually) convinced it can never get more challenging than it seems at the beginning. The sleepless nights. The worries that something is wrong with your kid. The anxiety that she will stop breathing in the middle of the night. I certainly felt that way the first few months or even years with J. At some point, though, even when things continued to become challenging in different ways, somewhere deep down I knew things were going to get a lot harder. I knew that eventually my little kid would grow up and have bigger issues. After all, my mom was fond of saying, "Little kids, little problems; bigger kids, bigger problems." As my baby grew into a preteen, there was the stress of grades. Too much homework. Trouble with girls ignoring her. The disappointment of a boy not liking her. Now that she is entering 7th grade, I know that in addition to those challenges, all the "big" scary things are not too far away. Recently on FB, I wrote a...

Ten (nine, oops, bad math) years ago, I celebrated my first Mother's Day. I don't actually remember a thing about it, including where I was or whom I was with. My mom may or may not have been working (if the latter, then I was not with her). I may have been here with the hubby, the kid (who was a baby at the time), and most likely my MIL. The hub's grandmother was still living in SC with his (now deceased) grandfather, so they probably were not there. We could have been at my MIL. Or, actually, we could have been at the hubby's restaurant (or maybe he was no longer there). Yep, no clue. What I do remember is the Mother's Day before that. I, just over five months pregnant, took my mom to Heinz Field for a brunch. When we arrived upstairs, the hostess was handing out these nice, thick hardcover Steelers books to the moms. She asked me if I was a mom, and I recall touching my stomach and saying, "In utero!" Fortunately I got the book. :-) I don't remem...

In this morning's paper, I read a snippet about a 19-year-old woman (I call that a girl, much as I referred to the 25ish-year-old kid I worked with as a kid) who left her five-week-old baby on the roof of her car. Most of us, including me, have left a coffee cup or other small item on our car roof at least once in our lifetime. But a baby strapped to an infant seat? It is bad enough to put your kid on top of the car to begin with (I think I would have had trouble lifting my kid in her infant seat that high), but to leave the baby there, drive away, and not realize it? Wow. But what really got me in this story (because a witness spotted the baby atop the car roof in an intersection, and he was unharmed, I could move on from that) and partly, if not mostly, explains why this happened was the following: The child's mother, her boyfriend, and their friends had been smoking marijuana earlier in the evening. Upset that her boyfriend was arrested for suspicion of DUI, police say Clo...

Yesterday while at the park with J and another third grader and her mom, the third grade friend of J announced that their social studies teacher "said something inappropriate in class." I am pretty sure I stopped breathing for a few seconds, worried about what this teacher could have said. This girl went on to explain that their teacher talked about how the Republican party (except the girl did not call it that) does not believe in gay marriage. I first corrected the name of the party (I honestly cannot remember what she thought it was called), and both the mom and I agreed that the comment was not appropriate. Then my kid asks, "What is gay marriage?" My all-too-typical (in situations like these) reply: "I'll tell you later; don't worry about it." Here is where the hypocrite part comes in (in case it was not going to be obvious): I have no problem with gay marriage. And I am perfectly willing to tell that to my daughter. But just not when she is...

Late this afternoon my (mostly) lovely eight-year-old and I were lying in my bed reading. J, a biography about Ben Franklin for a book report and I, a trashy magazine my MIL gave me. At one point, J told me that she did not understand something. Now this book was geared towards fourth graders, at least according to the library. But since the book is almost 15 years old, what was considered fourth grade then is pretty much third grade now, so I thought it was just right for her. And it certainly did not seem above her reading level, except for a few words here and there she could not pronounce. But, no. J was not struggling with a word. Rather, J looked at me, read the phrase "because he had gotten a girl pregnant" aloud, and then asked, "How do you get a girl pregnant?" What?!!!! My heart started pounding, my face got red, and I started stuttering. I think I said something like, "That is a good question. Hmm. Uh... Well... You know, it is hard to expl...

It is hard to believe another year has passed since the day that probably 99 percent of the women out there dread. Oh, how I loathe my annual exam, but I am happy to report that two things happened to make it not so awful this year. Through the apparently thin walls, I could hear the heartbeat of an unborn baby. I have no idea what that instrument is called (the one that allows you to hear the heartbeat of an in-utero baby), but as I heard that sound from so long ago, my eyes immediately watered. The memories of that whoosh-whoosh-whoosh noise, from over eight years ago, came flooding back, and I was immediately reminded of the first time I heard Jordan's heart beating from inside by stomach. At the time, I had no idea what the sound was, and I had to ask the nurse if that was my baby's heartbeat. She said yes, and my eyes welled with tears. I also remember the next time, when it took awhile for the instrument to pick up Jordan's heartbeat. I was supposed to get a so...

Jordan turned eight on Saturday. At some point, I will probably break down and write a post about my failing as a parent. But today is not that day; I want to keep it light! Jordan's big thing on her birthday was getting her ears pierced. I do not have my ears pierced. My parents told me I had to wait until I was 12 or 13, which really made me sad at the time, as every other girl in my class had her ears pierced. However, I eventually got over that, and when I finally was old enough, I pretty much lost interest. Plus I cannot stand pain. (In my defense, I birthed my kid without drugs. That pain was awful, but yet I still fear pain and avoid it at all costs, which explains why I am 20-some years overdue for a tetanus shot. Also worth noting that I cried during my sonogram. Yes, I am strange.) Jordan talked about getting her ears pierced back when she was four or five, but Bri and I thought she should wait until she was a little older. We did not have an exact age in mind, but I...

There is no one thing at the top of my noodle, so here are some random ramblings about things I should probably know more about than I do. I keep vacillating about privatizing the state liquor stores . PA is one of the few (maybe two?) states that operates this way. The prices are high. The selection is minimal, though for someone like me whose buying consists of one box/cube of margaritas every month, I don't notice it as much (well, I have noticed that my usual brand has been MIA the last two times). And the service I have received at my local store is rather lacking. For those reasons, I have supported privatization for years. Yet now that it seems as if we are getting closer, I can't help but think that a year or two after the state gets the initial windfall from selling off the licenses (which you just know will be spent ASAP), PA will be in really bad shape. Won't the state be missing that revenue that comes for all the sales? I don't think the sales tax will b...

A few days ago, I saw a disturbing story on the news. A dead baby was found in suitcase on an Erie street. Apparently, a woman starved her 14-month old, left her to die, stuffed her in suitcase, and then put that suitcase in her neighbor's trash can. You can read the story in the PG . Other than this woman murdering her child, the thing that really gets me riled up is this: In addition to the baby she birthed and killed, this 20-year-old woman also has a two- and a three-year old as well as one on the way. So for the past four years, this woman has gotten pregnant, had a baby, gotten pregnant a few months after giving birth, had a second baby, gotten pregnant a few months after giving birth, had a third baby, and gotten pregnant for the fourth time. Isn't that lovely? This woman should be sterilized, plain and simple. If that seems too strong (and I don't think it is), then she should be forced to receive monthly birth control shots or be inserted with that device that ...

As has been documented here and elsewhere many times, I am a crier. But, oddly enough, not always for logical reasons. I did not cry at my own wedding or at the birth of my child, yet I have cried at countless other weddings and births, most of which I witnessed on TV, involving people I don't even know! Speaking of my child and NOT crying, today my baby made her first communion. This is a big deal in a Catholic's life, though most kids cannot fully grasp what is going on. What pretty much every kid does understand is that they will be getting dressed up, quite a few people will be coming to watch them, they most likely will be having a party or going out to eat afterward, and the odds are great that they will be ending the day with some loot. We had a pretty small gathering at our pretty small house. Unfortunately, the weather dudes were wrong about the weather. I know, hard to believe. Last night, one of the weather guys said there may be a shower or two, and it would mos...

Knowing myself and my memory as well as I do, I checked my post from last year, and sure enough my title was "My baby is 6." But Jordan will always be my baby (and probably my only baby at that). She has spent most of this week telling anyone and everyone that her birthday is Friday; like a chip off the ol' block! Mostly I am just glad that I will no longer have to explain to other mothers at the park that my kid is almost seven (when they shockingly say, "She is really only six? She is so tall for her age.") But she is who she is. And that is sweet, thoughtful, sensitive, somewhat artistic, bit of a builder, a little silly, kind of a klutz, short-tempered, easily frustrated, and (sadly) too disrespectful towards me. Happy birthday, baby!

When I first had Jordan, I got a lot of grief from childless people who wanted me to do what I thought were unreasonable things. From taking my baby out to a smoky bar/restaurant to meet people when she should have been down for the night. To waking up my napping toddler to drive somebody somewhere. To entertaining houseguests in my small, guestroom-less house. More often than not, I would give in, because guilt really gets to me. Other times, I would say no, but then feel bad, thinking I was abandoning people that I might not get to see for quite a few months. But in most cases, no matter what I did (or did not do), I ended up feeling resentful. Of course, when those same people had children, things were different. But yet I seem to have forgotten that before I had kids, I had no clue what was involved. I could not understand why my friends would still not go to happy hour. Why not leave the baby home with a sitter or the spouse? I did not understand sleep deprivation and would cal...

Some would argue that it is not up to others to decide who should have kids. Some of those same people would probably also say that it is not up to anyone to tell others that they must prevent a pregnancy, particularly using artificial means. But every time I read a story like the one I read today in the PG, I always jump to the other side of the fence. A couple with three kids, ages two months, 15 months, and just over two years old, was charged with homicide in the death of their youngest. You can read about it here . This same couple has also been charged with endangering the welfare of children for failing to feed their 15-month-old son. One could presume their two-year old is fine since that kid was not mentioned, but I can't be that presumptuous. An excuse the mother used is that she never received prenatal care. Apparently for that reason, she thought feeding the kid two ounces of formula a day was enough (It has been awhile since I had a baby, but aren't there som...

For many years, I have had a recurring dream where I could not find my locker or a classroom. More recently, I had lost my class schedule, so I did not know which classes I had or where I was supposed to go. Usually I was wandering around a version of my old high school, though in my dreams it was sometimes supposed to be college. And every once in awhile, I would forget the lines to a play I was in. I recall reading a few years ago that dreams like those indicated I was unfilled in my life, not challenged. And that made sense. I was at the same job for many, many years (though I did do different things over the years). And once I had a kid, I pretty much completely lost the fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants attitude and started to plan things well in advance. Plus I was not exactly trying new things or traveling to new places. Now that I am taking a couple of classes, these dreams come less frequently, but I still have them at times. But more strikingly to me, over the past few months I hav...

Late this afternoon, I read that Kelly Frey, a news anchor for WTAE in Pittsburgh, had her baby today. If you don't know the back story, you can read about it here. The gyst of it is early in her pregnancy, Kelly discovered her baby had a major brain defect and likely would die soon after birth. She and her husband decided to terminate the pregnancy, but when they discovered doing so (look, I cannot even write the "a" word) would not be covered by his health insurance, they took it as a sign to keep the baby. A local photographer beautifully captured the birth here, and the pictures are at once heart-warming and gut-wrenching. Kelly and her husband's difficult situation brings me back to something I think about almost daily (and mentioned in passing in one of my blog posts). This past April, two kids who went to the same preschool Jordan did were killed in a car accident while riding with their father on the way to his house in New York. I had never met the mom until...

Six years ago today, without the aid of drugs, I brought the most important thing in the world to me into the world. We've come a long way, baby.

I have this capability (for lack of a better word) to cry over the simplest, silliest things. On Saturday, while driving home from a party, I saw a "canner" collecting donations for Penn State's Dance Marathon, which is or was, to the best of my recollection, the largest student-run philanthropy in the world, and benefits the Four Diamonds Fund, a charity for kids with cancer. When I saw the canner, tears filled up my eyes, as they pretty much do every year around this time when I see college kids canning. Why? Maybe I was thinking back to my being in Thon, staying awake and standing for those 48 hours. Maybe I was thinking about my friend who died from cancer just a month before Thon, who was my inspiration for doing it. Maybe, just maybe, seeing the young guy reminds me there is still good in the world. Today, I dropped off Jordan's registration form for first grade at the Catholic school of the church we attend. As I walked through the cafeteria filled with eating ...

When I first read about the woman who had eight babies, and I immediately assumed via in-vitro fertilization, my first reaction was that was insane. But when I stepped back, I tried to be sympathetic, thinking perhaps she cried herself to sleep for years wanting a baby so much. I know women who were in that situation, and I support their wanting to have a baby by whatever methods they chose. But my feelings of understanding lasted probably five minutes. Why have eight embryos implanted? As I understand it, IVF is expensive (around 10k?), so I get not wanting to implant only one or two embryos and then risk having to go through it all over again. But what normal person could afford to take care of that many babies at once, both financially and mentally (John and Kate do seem to have it together)? You have to assume that all embryos could be implanted and therefore turn into real, live babies that you will now have to take care of. And having that many babies in one pregnancy is harder ...

If I were not so lazy, I would have posted some pictures of the summer adventures we have had thus far. But doing so requires that I first download the pictures from my camera, which happens only a few times a year, not to mention I have no idea where the thingy is that connects from my camera to the computer, which allows said downloading (or is it file transferring?) to take place. If I had those pictures on my computer, you could have seen a boat ride, some picnics and get-togethers, birthday parties and a christening, days at the park and nights looking at starts, a trip to Idlewild, and the first day of Steelers training camp (still hope to get the pic up of me and Steely McBeam). Still to come are the community days at the town where I grew up, another afternoon in the Burgh, and Jordan's fifth birthday party. My kid is going to be 5 in just two weeks. How can that be? It seems like just yesterday when I was having contractions at work and my friend Q said it was probably gas...

Today the St. Vincent de Paul society became the recipient of numerous baby paraphernalia. We said good bye to the swing, stroller, infant and toddler car seats, bouncer, high chair, crib music thing, and numerous other items that Brian put into boxes and bags. The fact that I have been referring to Jordan as an only child over the last couple of months prompted this, but had we not put our house back up for sale (after being off the market for about six months), I probably would have held on to these things for at least another year. The reality is even though money and that I am just not into babies (that is, I don't really want to have a baby) are big factors in our decision to have just one kid, as significant is that I am selfish. If you have been my friend for years, you know how self-centered and absorbed I can be, how I think my problems and what goes on in my life are so significant. And with one child, you can still be a little selfish. Don't get me wrong, Jordan is f...