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These dreams go on

For many years, I have had a recurring dream where I could not find my locker or a classroom. More recently, I had lost my class schedule, so I did not know which classes I had or where I was supposed to go. Usually I was wandering around a version of my old high school, though in my dreams it was sometimes supposed to be college. And every once in awhile, I would forget the lines to a play I was in.

I recall reading a few years ago that dreams like those indicated I was unfilled in my life, not challenged. And that made sense. I was at the same job for many, many years (though I did do different things over the years). And once I had a kid, I pretty much completely lost the fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants attitude and started to plan things well in advance. Plus I was not exactly trying new things or traveling to new places.

Now that I am taking a couple of classes, these dreams come less frequently, but I still have them at times. But more strikingly to me, over the past few months I have started to dream about my kid. It may sound odd to say this, but I think before I was laid off, I probably had a dream with Jordan in it about a half dozen times. When I was not dreaming about being lost in school, my grandmother, who died 20 years ago next month, was often in my dreams. The house I grew up in and moved out of almost 13.5 years ago was also a key setting. And, perhaps as odd, my parents, divorced soon after the Pens won their first Stanley Cup, are often together in these dreams. (Brian shows up in my dreams probably about half the time.)

Many times I have wondered why Jordan had almost never been in my dreams. Was it because I worked and did not spend that much time with her? I was with her three days a week and most evenings; and since I am a slacker mom and a boring person, it is not as if I did much without her on those days. Wasn't that enough?

Last night, I dreamt that I was holding a cousin's baby at a party. After quite some time, I tried to give the baby back to said cousin, and she got mad, insisting that she was there to have fun, and demanding I continue to hold her kid. It was at that point I realized I had not seen Jordan in hours, and I panicked. Fortunately, I found her before long, and I woke up soon after.

It was a weird dream, perhaps fueled by my annoyance with people who ignore their kids as well as by my finally letting Jordan play on her own without my constant hovering. But I have to say, I would almost rather still be looking for that elusive class...


Sherri said…
You're an attentive mother, obviously. Attentive mothers feel guilty even when they let their little ones experience some healthy self-direction and play. Also, I'm sure you enjoy being with her..... Interesting dream, though. Maybe something in your week - or in the last month caught the attention of your subconscious (mothers who pontificate on the benefits of organic food for kids, teaching them to be world citizens, etc. - all high-minded stuff, but... forget to ENJOY the kiddies ;-) - maybe... I'm just sayin').

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