Saturday, January 9, 2016

So much to say, and yet nothing really

Another month has passed without my blogging. I (sometimes) long for the days when I would blog several times  a week. I am just in a weird place now, and I am not sure blogging will help. Plus with the rather boring life I lead, there really is not much to say. But I will try to say a few things that are on my mind.

The Steelers are the playoffs! I used to be so excited by that. And I am still a little. I will certainly be watching the game. I am wearing my Hines jersey as we speak. But I no longer get really worked up by a game. I don't cry when my team loses a big game. I no longer post a lot about the Steelers as I used to on Facebook and a little on here. This season is the second in a row I did not go to a single game, which is now my longest streak. My family got season tickets when I was in high school (can't remember when). I went to a game or two a year then. In college, I probably went to only one per year. Once I graduated and up until I had Jordan 10 years later, I went to the majority. But she came, and she became my priority, and tickets kept going up and up. I think our seats are now $105 per ticket, maybe more. Throw in parking and food, and that is a pretty expensive day. I can take Jordan to a Pittsburgh Musical Theater show with either my Pitt discount or a Groupon and spend between $20 and $60 for both of us. Live theater is great. Football on HD TV is pretty good too. :-)

My kid is growing up. I still mostly hate that. I definitely hate the mouthiness and moodiness. We are starting to leave her alone for periods of time. Also very difficult. I worry. So much. But I am getting better about her spending the night elsewhere. So there is that. And I still regret, pretty much weekly, that J has no siblings. I really don't want another child (at 44, that ship has sailed). But I know it bothers J she is an only child. It makes me sad that she will never know what it is like to grow up with a sibling or have a sibling relationship as an adult.

I still have no idea what I want to do with my life. But I am actually fairly okay with that. I think I have finally come to accept/realize that life is unpredictable and nothing is written in stone. And if I am doing something different next year, and a thing different from that in 5 more years, that is okay. I would very much like to stay at my job for a number of reasons (not the least of which is J would have her college paid for), but if my org does not get the funding it needs/the restructuring does not go as planned, come this summer, I will have to figure out what I want to do for the next chapter of my life. Which could be a few months, a few years, or even a few decades. But I will just see how it all goes (and think about it when I lie awake at night).

So there you have it. I wrote a post. Probably won't be back here for another month, and that is okay. It has to be.

Go Steelers (and Pens, who also play tonight, but will take a back set to football after about a period and a half)!