Facie’s Ramblings

At this very moment in my life, I feel okay. Overall, I am a pretty positive, optimistic person. When I get down, it rarely last more than a couple of hours. Even when someone does me wrong, depending on the person, I am usually over it within an hour (my kid) or a few hours or a half a day (the hubby) or a day or so (coworker or friend). I used to hold grudges much longer. But life is short, and I have learned to let things go. But lately, I have these days, sometimes fortunately only half days, where I feel overcome. This usually happens to me as I am lying awake at night, fretting about something. Mostly it is my kid and various things around that, not the least of which is her going to high school in the fall a bit of a distance from our house. I fret about my job, which is not stable. I fret about the husband's unemployment. After more than a half year without work, he finally starts a job in two weeks, but that brings with it some different anxieties. I fret about my variou...

Last month while I was getting my driver's license picture taken, I tried to change my political party affiliation. For whatever reason, my choices were Democrat, Republican, Other, and None. But first, how I got there. I registered as a Democrat when I first registered to vote, just before the '92 election. At that time, I was "kind of" liberal (for growing up in a somewhat rural area in western PA), and pretty much all of my relatives were registered that way, so it made sense. I was not really into politics at that young age, however. As I got into my late 20s, I started to realize I was becoming more conservative, so a few years later, when it was time to renew my driver's license, I changed to Republican. I still remember the day at work when I told my coworker Anne that I was really a Republican. She told me she had known it for years. During the 2008 election, I was on board with John McCain running for president, mostly because I thoug...

Ever since I have gone back work, I have gone a good job there, fortunately, but my parenting as far as what J needs for school has really been lacking. I often forget things that J needs to have or do, or I read about them too late. And my heart breaks a little each time (and, for the record, I remember to put most things on a calendar; I just forget to look at it daily). On Sunday, it dawned on my that J had her school Valentine party on Friday. I asked her if she was supposed to bring something in, as no note came home. She said she was not sure. I asked her again a day or two later, and she said they could bring in something if they wanted to. I asked J if she wanted to. She said no. I was mostly glad about that. Partly because it is difficult for me to stop anywhere after work during the week; my evenings are mostly shot, and I have been busy at work this week and staying late  as well as working from home in the evenings. But as important to me was I just don't think kids...

Since mid September I have been volunteering at a one-day-a-week after-school program. Most days, there have been times when I have wanted to scream. Some of the kids just don't listen. Some seem not to be able to stop talking when asked. Many have trouble sitting still. Just last week, I told a girl to sit up during a presentation (the kids were seated on the floor, and this girl was alternating between lying down and rolling around). She just looked at me with a half-confused/half-glare expression but stayed reclined. I repeated my direction, and I received the same look. By the third time, she actually listened, though it took only a couple of minutes before we did that same dance all over again. I am unsure what I could have done differently, short of dragging her out of the room. But not only would that have been disruptive to the presenter and everyone else (though probably not a whole lot more than the kid's rolling around), but manhandling kids is not something teachers...

That may have been the longest blog title I ever wrote. But it sums up my feelings pretty well. You could read just that and skip the post, and you probably would not miss too much, other than a bunch of disjointed thoughts. But I have a few things I want to say, so here goes. I love Joe Paterno. Well, loved . I realize many, many people don't understand this and never will, and that is okay. I won't bother to try to explain it, because, as I said in a Facebook post this morning, I can't. But there are people out there who do get it. All of whom know what the expected response is to, "We are." And I guess those of us can take comfort in this shared experience. As someone else said on Facebook this morning, “I would hope that my life would be judged as a whole and not just by some bad choices.” That is the thing that too many people have overlooked. Joe Paterno did not molest any boys. Joe Paterno did not shower with any boys. He is not a monster. Yes, he sho...

I wanted to include a nice picture of my mom and me or, even better, one of my mom, Jordan, and me. But, alas, I have almost no recent pics of us, and the few I have are lousy, mostly because I dropped my camera last year (the poor gal has not been the same since). So this post, a short (!) tribute to my mom, will have to go photo-less, which is pretty much how most of my posts end up anyway. On this Mother's Day weekend, I am thankful and grateful for my mom. She sacrificed a lot for our family over the years, and she was always there for us growing up. She dried our tears, fixed up our boo-boos, and stood up and fought for us when she knew it was the right thing to do. She raised us to care about others, particularly family. She taught us right from wrong and got us to church every weekend. She made sure we always knew she was the parent, not our friend. Most of all, she loved us, no matter what stupid, wrong-headed things we did (and by we, I mean me as a high schooler and my ...

So Osama bin Laden (or Usama, if you are Fox News) was apparently taken out by the Navy Seals. I was quite surprised to wake up to that news when I turned on the TV yesterday morning. After I let it sink in for a minute and listened to the news people talk, my eyes welled up with tears. But the thing is I was not sure why I was crying. When I think of the thousands of tears I cried on 9/11 and off and on (mostly on) for weeks after, the few tears that rolled down my cheek seemed to pale in comparison. I am pro life. In pretty much every imaginable way. I know plenty of people who are pro-life when it comes to abortion, but they support capital punishment. I don't fault people for that view. In fact, it seems less contradictory than the views of people who support women's right to choose yet are against capital punishment. But this post is not to argue or even quibble about that. And if you know me at all, then you should realize I really, truly try to respect and even under...

My friend Holly informed me that the according to Wikipedia, "The median length for a marriage in the US today is 11 years." Brian and I hit the 12-year mark yesterday, which I joked on Facebook probably means donuts. I love donuts! In fact, I had one yesterday because it was "Donut Sunday" at church. Hopefully, our house of illness will soon recover and Brian and I can go out for at least a lunch or something to celebrate. But until then, I will just be glad we made it this far, something, unfortunately, not a lot of people can say. And I will keep joking (though I am sort of serious) that it feels like only 25 years! :-) Following are a few photos from that chilly day 12 years ago. We got married at St. Bernard's Church in Indiana, PA. And we had our reception at the country club in that same town. I have not seen our ring bearer (the cute kid in our cake picture) for almost eight and a half years. In my mind, he still looks like a little kid, younger than...

The above post title is the sentiment/closing on our 2010 Christmas card (below, not that you can really read it). Nevertheless, with those things in life, life is good. Happy Birthday, Jesus. Emmanuel. Wonderful. Counselor. Mighty God. Everlasting Father. Prince of Peace. Merry Christmas!

If I am not reading about another shooting right here in the Burgh, I am inundated with tragic headlines about teenage suicide. Or, at the very least, I see road rage on an almost-daily basis as well as kids being mean in the Catholic school where I regularly substitute. Sigh. Have we become this appalling of a society? This self-centered, unfeeling, uncaring, and just plain mean? And worse, of course. I am afraid the answer is yes. But it does not have to be this way. Two of my favorite classes in college were psychology and sociology. I am very interested in human behavior and the whole nature-versus-nurture debate (full disclosure: I have not read much about this theory since college 17 years ago). I tend to lean on the side of nurture; if you grow up surrounded by hate, you will probably continue down that same path. I don't remember kids being so mean to each other (and disrespectful to authority) when I was a kid. Sure, some would make fun of others (I was much m...

I don't have to look at my blog posts from previous years (but I will, after I finish writing this) to know what I wrote about 9/11 the last two years. I have no doubt I said that I used to be paranoid about things (planes flying overhead in particular), but that eventually I stopped being consumed with worry and feeling that impending sense of doom. Time marches on, and people go back to the way things were, as much as they can. (I still don't like to fly, but I did not care for it before 9/11 either.) The reality is that we have tragedies every day. People get sick. People die. People are hateful. People do bad things. But people get better. People continue living. And many people are loving, kind, and compassionate. I don't think I will ever forget 9/11, what I was doing and how I felt. But as important, I want to do my best to be tolerant of others and not to generalize. We must remember that just because one person or even many people from a group do something or...

Brian and I have been married 11 years today. As I said last year, it does not feel a day over 20 years! Last year at this time, we were trying to adjust to being together a lot since I had recently been laid off. One year later, in some ways we are still adjusting. One of my friends (and former coworkers) works with her husband. They don't work directly together, but the company is small (even smaller now!), so they see each other often. I have said then and I will say now, I don't know how they do it. Obviously what works for one couple does not work for everyone. But I think a big part of it is choosing the right person to begin with. I am always touched when I read about someone who married his or her soul mate. Personally, I am not sure about the idea of soul mates (but I believe it works for some). I remember back in 1996, when I was at a dinner for an engaged coworker. Someone asked me if I thought Brian was the one. I said I did not know. That person said if I did n...

Someone read this poem at a funeral yesterday. I seem to recall hearing it once before, but I thought it was worth sharing. You can read more about the author as well as her poems here . The Dash I read of a man who stood to speak at the funeral of a friend. He referred to the dates on her tombstone from the beginning...to the end. He noted that first came her date of birth and spoke the following date with tears, but he said what mattered most of all was the “dash” between those years. For that dash represents all the time that she spent alive on earth. And now only those who loved her know what that little line is worth. For it matters not, how much we own; the cars...the house...the cash, what matters is how we live and love and how we spend our “dash.” So think about this long and hard... are there things you'd like to change? For you never know how much time is left, that can still be rearranged. If we could just slow down enough to consider what...

I have been reading What Color Is Your Parachute , hoping to glean some job tips, further find myself, etc. Last night I did this exercise where you compare, two at a time, two values (what the author refers to as broad outcomes of you life) to figure out which value you value more. In the end, after you have compared all nine to each other, you end up with a ranked list of the most important. The idea is you can use your talents and skills to serve these values. My top ones were as follows: Will/conscience (when I am gone, I want there to be more morality, justice, righteousness, and honesty in the world) Heart (when I am gone, I want there to be more love and compassion in the world) Human spirit (when I am gone, I want there to be more spirituality, faith, compassion, forgiveness, love for God and the human family with all its diverseness)  Possession (when I am gone, I want there to be more savings, simplicity, and a broader emphasis on the word "enough") It was ...

A friend forwarded me the following email. I have no idea the origins, but I really liked it, and I hope you do too. If you are religious (and some of you are far, far more than I am), I hope it is meaningful. And even if you are not religious or don't believe in God, I think you should be able to appreciate most of the sentiments in the letter. ********* Letter from Jesus about Christmas It has come to my attention that many of you are upset that folks are taking My name out of the season. Maybe you've forgotten that I wasn't actually born during this time of the year and that it was some of your predecessors who decided to celebrate My birthday on what was actually a time of pagan festival. Although I do appreciate being remembered anytime. How I personally feel about this celebration can probably be most easily understood by those of you who have been blessed with children of your own. I don't care what you call the day. If you want to celebrate My birth, just get al...

Today, Brian and I have been married 10 years. As I wrote on my Facebook status update, it does not feel like a day over 20. :-) Think about how many marriages in Hollywood have lasted that long. There are not too many, I am afraid. What makes these people give up so soon? I think part of it is that a lot of stars are self-centered. When so many people worship you, it is probably hard not to be, so it should not be surprising that they think they deserve the best of everything. And when they hit a rough patch, well, why not move on to find something better, someone else who will worship them? I think another part of it is the glamour of these relationships. When you are first in love, there is probably a lot of romance going on. Cards, flowers, nice dinners. When you make seven or eight figures, you can probably spend 30 grand on a date without batting an eyelash, and that kind of date is most likely spectacular. And the weddings some of these people have, often fairytale like... But w...

This past weekend, at the service for my former babysitter, I ran into the mom of a pretty good friend (partner in crime, really) from high school. I had met the mom only once, and did not recognize her. During our conversation, I found out her son he had moved back to area. I told her it would be great to hear from him or see him again, and she said she would tell him she ran into me. She asked if I was married and had kids, and I asked the same of her son. She said he had a girlfriend, but that she was not "the one." And then she said, "I think you were the one." I felt a little weird, but I managed to say something like he was a great guy/good friend. We both did like each other at different times, perhaps once at the same time, but it was just not meant to be. But what is "the one" really? Except in very rare cases, I just don't believe there is only one person meant for each of us. After all, I have thought probably three or four different guys we...

It is nearly 7 p.m., and I am getting ready to leave the office; Tuesdays and Thursdays are my late days. Unfortunately I won't be going home to see any of my valentines; instead, I will be going to choir practice, which I have skipped for the last two weeks (due mostly to my not wanting to miss watching Lost live, I admit). I have never been a fan of Valentine's Day, but I no longer despise it, and actually I don't even mind it anymore. In fact, I have a red sweater on today, so I am downright festive. Fortunately for Brian, I don't believe in exchanging cards or gifts for this Hallmark holiday, so I guess we both have it pretty good! I hope that all of you reading this were able to spend some time with someone you love. Or something you love (nothing wrong with loving a dog, a tub of ice cream, TV, or something like that on this day). I will head to choir thinking of my Brian and Jordan and even Sadie, as well as family and friends, and being grateful I have them in m...