Facie’s Ramblings

Most years for Lent I have given up sweets. I was successful only once, in 2001, I think; I forget the year, but I had devoted myself to fitness in an almost obsessive way. It was a tough 45ish days without a piece of candy, cake, or bowl of ice cream. But I was doing that more for myself than to bring myself closer to God, which is a big part of doing (or not doing) something for Lent. I don't have nearly the faith I did then, but I do try most days to be a decent human being. If everyone strove to do that, the world would be a pretty great place, and it likely would not matter so much which religion people were, or if they had a religion. But I digress. This year for Lent I have decided to do a few things. Try to lessen my "saying the opposite" of what the hubs says. I do this. A lot. It is not so much that I have to be right. I am pretty sure I AM right most of the time (he would disagree). But I am going to try to let things go more. This one is going to be toug...

Because I have over 300 "friends" on Facebook (at least half of whom are not really friends at all) and only a handful of readers here, I tend to be more open in this space. Today will continue that trend. If you know me well (or even if you don't know me at all), I can tell you that for the most part, I feel pretty good about myself, both physically and as a person in general. I think it started soon after I had a child, and really solidified once I hit 40. I just have been able to accept who I am, know that I don't have to be perfect to be a good person, and pretty much am okay with my body, even though it is not as thin and tight as I would like it to be. Unfortunately, in the last six or so months, I gained a few pounds. Going to Baltimore almost a month ago and eating non-stop for several days and hardly moving put me a few more pounds ahead, and I am now the heaviest I have been for only the third time in my life. Unfortunately, because I walk a lot and I st...

But this post is not going to be about my regrets; I will save those for another blog post (or maybe never). Instead, I want to come up with a list of things, on the fly, that I do not regret! Here goes, in no particularly order (because, again, these are just popping into my head): Moving to Pittsburgh. I have blogged about my love for the city (and I have complained about a number of things as well). But I am glad I live here and hope to for as long as possible.  Having a child. I debated about this for years. And I almost did not have J. But I thank God and whoever and whatever else is responsible for that (including the hubby!). Getting married. I am not going to pretend it has been easy. And there are times I just do not want to be married. But there is something about making a commitment and sharing the journey with someone else. Loving and losing in love. Heartbreak sucks, but I think it is important to go through it. Whatever doesn't kill you... Being close to my f...

Before I launch into this post (and I am not entirely sure where it will go, but it will need to happen in about 20 minutes because I have lunch duty), let me begin by saying my hubby is pretty darn good as far as hubbies and daddies go. He cooks for us almost every day. Considering how much I love to eat, he could do little else but that, and it would not matter too much to me. [Note that a few years ago, I cooked for the family but was "fired" after a week or several. No one appreciated what I thought tasted good.] He also keeps the "mechanics" of the house running. He has black-topped the driveway, mixed cement to fix our crumbling steps, and planted grass. He moves heavy stuff around, figures out some electrical things, and when I fail at toilet unclogging , he helps me there too. Unlike a lot of dads, he spends time with his kid (though, he will be the first to admit not nearly what I spend with her), and is happy to help out with physical projects and cert...

I am 41 today. Pretty uneventful age compared to the big 4-0. But I am fine with that. I try to be thankful and grateful that have gotten to live 40 years already. Here's hoping I get well over another 40. As I reflect on the first 40, I feel pretty good. I had a great childhood, full of many wonderful memories, mostly focused on spending time with my family. I went to Europe in high school, and thanks to my disdain for travel, I am okay that I will probably never return. I had a great college experience at Penn State, where I made many friends, fell in love with hockey, and furthered my devotion to football. Oh, and I got a pretty good education. I also sang "Ave Maria" at midnight mass just after I finished my degree, which was a nice way to enter "adulthood" (that coincided with a broken heart, but I am focusing on the positive). In my 20s I had a lot of fun hanging out, volunteering, working out, and that sort of thing. I also got my first (and second)...

That extra-long title is courtesy of my nine-year-old and was something she uttered during "Say Yes to the Dress" on Friday evening. I watch very little reality TV, but I make an exception for this show because I like to look at the dresses. And sometimes, the stories are heart-warming. Typically at the end of the show, a snippet of a wedding is aired. In this particular show, a woman who was confined to a wheelchair was exchanging vows with her fiance. After the two of them finished, J made her comment. I asked her what she meant as I must have been on the computer while the TV was on, and she explained that because so many people just get divorced, why do they even say "as long as we both shall live"? That is tough one, kid. I tried with what I thought was a sound explanation: Most of the people who get married truly believe they will be together the rest of their lives, but sometimes it just doesn't work out. But if you don't think that you will be ...

I just wrote two very short (incomplete, really) and entirely different blog posts, and I decided to delete them both. I want to share things that have been going on in my life, if for no other reason than to document events. But I just cannot seem to get into the groove of blog writing. Oddly, I have started writing in my journal again over the past few months, something I had not realized how much I missed. As I said in a post some time ago, I am unwilling to lay it all out here for anyone to read. I don't care what strangers think about me. But I do have friends and the occasional relative who read my posts, and I am pretty sure there are a number of people I am connected with one way or the other (two or three degrees of separation) to whom I cannot bare my soul to. And that is where my trusty, not-out-there-for-all-to-see journal comes in. I can write about a fight that Brian and I had and not worry that someone will think my marriage is in trouble. I can lament about wo...

When I lie awake at night, often post ideas swim around my head, most of which are pretty good. But when I wake up the next day (or at least when I have the time to sit down and write a post), those great ideas and half-written-in-my-head posts have disappeared. So I just thought I would throw a few things out there. I went to a fashion show today, to support J's school. Considering my near lack of fashion, it is kind of funny, but it was actually a nice time, made better by my winning a small door prize. If nothing else, I was happy to see a pair of medium-length shorts on one of the eight-grade models. Anymore, it seems as if shorts come in two sizes — an inch or two just below the butt or well below the knees, which I guess are not really shorts. Hooray for a happy medium! In case you were wondering, being out of work for three years is kind of like a lifetime. Unfortunately, those few freelance projects over the past few years as well as my share of subbing are just not the...

When I refer to TMI, I am not talking about people sharing (often gross) things they probably should not. But rather sharing a friend's or a relative's personal information with a spouse or significant other. I know people who have cheated on their spouses, had abortions, have been raped or victims of domestic violence, committed (minor) criminal acts, did not disclose things to the government that they should have, suffered from various mental aliments, and who have been drug addicts or alcoholics. In most cases, I have not shared that information with Brian unless the person told me I could or I felt he needed to know for family safety issues (e.g., you have to consider who you let your children around). I am certain he would think less of some of these people if he knew things they did, so what purpose does it serve telling him? But more importantly, I want these people who confide in me to know they have my word. I can honestly say I don't think I can trust any of ...

I have been in a weird place lately. Over the past week or two, I have nearly "written" several posts in my head and pretty much finished one while at the park Thursday. The ramblings lent themselves to names such as the following: "If I actually publish this post, I am pretty sure some friends will be calling me with great concern" "Where is my happy place"  "I can't cry hard enough" "Missing person" "Paralyzed by fear"  As for the first title, well, it is probably obvious that when that post was swirling around my head, I was pretty down. Fortunately, that post never came to fruition. Later, things looked up and something got me smiling again. But, alas, something else had me singing the blues before too long. It could have been another struggle with Jordan (that happens a lot lately, and I am quite sure a post will eventually come of it). Perhaps Brian and I were arguing about Jordan (yeah, it's a problem) o...

My friend Holly informed me that the according to Wikipedia, "The median length for a marriage in the US today is 11 years." Brian and I hit the 12-year mark yesterday, which I joked on Facebook probably means donuts. I love donuts! In fact, I had one yesterday because it was "Donut Sunday" at church. Hopefully, our house of illness will soon recover and Brian and I can go out for at least a lunch or something to celebrate. But until then, I will just be glad we made it this far, something, unfortunately, not a lot of people can say. And I will keep joking (though I am sort of serious) that it feels like only 25 years! :-) Following are a few photos from that chilly day 12 years ago. We got married at St. Bernard's Church in Indiana, PA. And we had our reception at the country club in that same town. I have not seen our ring bearer (the cute kid in our cake picture) for almost eight and a half years. In my mind, he still looks like a little kid, younger than...

Wonder how many people will be enticed by that title?! As an aside, for some reason, my blog got 120 hits in a 24-hour period. No idea why. Since I discovered the stats tool thingy, I have averaged close to 500 hits a month; some days I get only a few hits, and other days this blog sees several dozen visitors. But 120 in one day? That is weird. Anyway, I had to share this recent shopping experience. First of all, I am not a fan of shopping. I am what several of my guy friends call a guy's girl; I would much rather watch a sporting event (football and hockey, mostly) than do anything girly. And when it comes to shopping (which, to review, I hate), Kohl's and Target are my two favorite stores because I am very anti-mall (all those stores just overwhelm me) and I can get almost everything I need at those two places anyway. So when I realized I had to buy a new bathing suit (thanks to the super-chlorinated, bathing-suit eating pool where Jordan and I swim), I knew a trip to Koh...

Last night, there was some turbulence in our house, for lack of a better word. The impetus was food (and actually not my cooking, surprisingly). Things were said, and I eventually got so mad that I left. Drove away. After first telling my kid that I loved her and kissing her good bye. Up until I was a senior in high school, my parents almost never fought. From the time I was born (or from the time I could actually start remembering things) until I was in my mid teens, I recall only three fights my parents had. They seemed pretty bad at that time, and I still remember a few details from each, but the other thousands upon thousands of days of my life, my parents were pretty happy together. We had a really great family life. Unfortunately, things started to go a little south my senior year in high school before getting worse my freshman year of college. I actually don't remember things being as bad my sophomore year, but that was the last year my parents were together, so... Why a...

If you have read this blog for awhile, you know I try to keep my friends and relatives out of it. At the very least, I don't get into super specific things because I figure these people may not want their stories "out there." You probably have also noticed I very rarely blog about my husband. About the only post that was (mostly) about him centered on a birthday gift I got him which he did not appreciate so much. I have long gotten over that, and believe me, we have much more petty (and important) things to discuss. But this week I went where I had never gone before, and I am ruing the day. A couple of nights ago, during a Pens game, I mentioned to Brian that I thought his stomach looked bigger and I was worried about his weight. I realize saying something like to another person will go poorly probably 99 percent of the time. But I am concerned, I have noticed this for quite some time, and I want my husband to be around for awhile. Once Bri got over his anger at my s...

Heather, over at Pittsburgh Mom , recently wrote a post about the division of labor. She was contemplating learning how to hook up their camper, which is something her husband normally did, because she is a do-everything kind of gal. But her sister-in-law said that she refuses to learn how to do it because it will just be one more job she has to do. So Heather asked us, her sisters in Pgh Mom, how we handled the division of labor in our houses, and if there were things that we did not want to learn how to do just so these things would not become our jobs. I don't know about you, but the division of labor in our house does not always go smoothly. In theory, it should, because as I said on Pgh Mom, we both do what we are good at. For example, I am a much, much better cleaner than Brian. The times when he cleans up after dinner, he does not typically consider cleaning out the sink and sweeping the floor part of that job. I guess because they don't have the word "dishes...

And on the computer. And from what people tell you. I read people's blogs and their Facebook pages. I talk to people about their lives. But then something happens, and I think that either I did not really know these people or they are living two different lives, the one everyone sees and the life they actually live. More often than not, this phenomenon I am speaking of is related to marriage. A friend will talk about how happy she is, how great her husband is, etc. Then, bam! The marriage ends. Sometimes it is not that dramatic. It may be that I have never heard a friend complain about her spouse. Everything seems fine for them while I am feeling kind of bad because I am venting about something my husband did. Then some time goes by and this friend tells me she and her husband are getting a divorce. And for some reason I feel as if I am in this dissolving marriage. That I am the one who has been hurt. And I don't know why. Other than I guess I just feel kind of blindsid...

Brian and I have been married 11 years today. As I said last year, it does not feel a day over 20 years! Last year at this time, we were trying to adjust to being together a lot since I had recently been laid off. One year later, in some ways we are still adjusting. One of my friends (and former coworkers) works with her husband. They don't work directly together, but the company is small (even smaller now!), so they see each other often. I have said then and I will say now, I don't know how they do it. Obviously what works for one couple does not work for everyone. But I think a big part of it is choosing the right person to begin with. I am always touched when I read about someone who married his or her soul mate. Personally, I am not sure about the idea of soul mates (but I believe it works for some). I remember back in 1996, when I was at a dinner for an engaged coworker. Someone asked me if I thought Brian was the one. I said I did not know. That person said if I did n...

If you know me fairly well, you know that I am a pretty open person. I am sure I have said as much in this blog several times. But I don't share very intimate details here. As you may have noticed, while at my last job, I never really blogged about it. By the time I starting writing this blog, I was pretty content in that area. Not loving-my-job-every-single-day happy, but content enough to realize that I had it pretty good. But even if I had been miserable, I am quite certain you would not have read about it here; I just don't think that is a wise idea, for the mostly obvious reasons. Similarly, I don't write much about my marriage or any strife within my family. As with most relationships, Brian and I have had our ups and downs. But anytime we have gone through a big fight or struggled with a significant issue, those things have not made it here. My unwillingness to do so is not so much because I don't think it is anyone else's business. In fact, part of me wish...

Like many people this time of year, I am reflecting on all the blessings in my life. So, as I did last year, I want to list the many, many things I am thankful for. Jordan . To think I did not want kids and could have missed out on her. She is truly my greatest blessing. Brian . We drive each other crazy more than we should. And sometimes we want to run the other way, far, far away. But he is a good husband, father, cook, and handyman who is doing the best he can. And he just walked in with wine coolers! Family . Jordan and Brian are at the top of my list, but I am also blessed to have the rest of my relatives, especially my mom, dad, brothers and their families. Friends and acquaintances . I have many (more of the latter) and for that I am lucky. Faith . It gets me through tough times and often helps me better appreciate the good times. Health . We have been blessed by relative good health, aches and pains notwithstanding. Home . Unfortunately there are people out there who don't ...

In BC (before child) times, weddings were almost always fun. You were typically surrounded by numerous friends or relatives. You "got your groove on" (at least I always did). You imbibed (often over-), ate well, and generally were merry. And the occasion was happy. Two people in love, vowing to spend their life together. On that day, all seemed right. But this weekend, rather than looking forward to witnessing the joining of two people, I am instead watching two people say good-bye to their spouses. If you are keeping score, Grandpa (Brian's grandfather) died at the end of September, and his service was three weeks ago today. This week my uncle's father passed away (my uncle is married to my mom's sister, lest any of you think he is my grandfather). I had seen Glen over the years at family functions, and I know how well loved and respected he was, so I felt the loss, particularly for his family. On the very same day, Aunt Dodo, the oldest of my mom's siblings,...