Facie’s Ramblings

At this very moment in my life, I feel okay. Overall, I am a pretty positive, optimistic person. When I get down, it rarely last more than a couple of hours. Even when someone does me wrong, depending on the person, I am usually over it within an hour (my kid) or a few hours or a half a day (the hubby) or a day or so (coworker or friend). I used to hold grudges much longer. But life is short, and I have learned to let things go. But lately, I have these days, sometimes fortunately only half days, where I feel overcome. This usually happens to me as I am lying awake at night, fretting about something. Mostly it is my kid and various things around that, not the least of which is her going to high school in the fall a bit of a distance from our house. I fret about my job, which is not stable. I fret about the husband's unemployment. After more than a half year without work, he finally starts a job in two weeks, but that brings with it some different anxieties. I fret about my variou...

Another month has passed without my blogging. I (sometimes) long for the days when I would blog several times  a week. I am just in a weird place now, and I am not sure blogging will help. Plus with the rather boring life I lead, there really is not much to say. But I will try to say a few things that are on my mind. The Steelers are the playoffs! I used to be so excited by that. And I am still a little. I will certainly be watching the game. I am wearing my Hines jersey as we speak. But I no longer get really worked up by a game. I don't cry when my team loses a big game. I no longer post a lot about the Steelers as I used to on Facebook and a little on here. This season is the second in a row I did not go to a single game, which is now my longest streak. My family got season tickets when I was in high school (can't remember when). I went to a game or two a year then. In college, I probably went to only one per year. Once I graduated and up until I had Jordan 10 years later,...

I have pretty much never written about work. At least not in detail. Not this job. Not my last job; well, until I was let go. And then I wrote about it afterwards. I still think my good-bye email to the office was one of my best pieces of writing to date. Things at work have been slow. That is pretty typical for the summer. And we work pretty hard throughout the year, so it is not altogether unpleasant to be slow (though I prefer to be busy), particularly when we get out .5 to 1.5 hours early most Fridays. But things were becoming unnervingly slow. We did not have many contracts on the horizon. Then we heard about people (the people whose work we do) leaving. First it was one person. Then another. When we got to the fourth and fifth, I was downright panicking. And then last week, we were told about a mandatory, full company meeting on Monday (yesterday). I did not like the sound of that. Not one bit. I felt very uneasy the entire weekend. The only reason I was not in a full-on pani...

I often "mark" or delineate my life by certain points. Moving to Pittsburgh 18 years ago next month is one. Getting married, having J, and my company (old job) moving locations were others.  Five years ago last month, I was laid off. In several and great ways that marked the end of one life and the beginning of another. When I try to remember events, I often ask myself if they came before or after that. I had wanted to write a post to mark that five-year anniversary, but did not get around to it. I am quite certain I will remember that date for years to come, though that it was Friday the 13th is probably a bigger reason. Regardless, for several years, much of my blog was colored by that loss. Just a few weeks after that gut-punching, life-changing event, I was affected more profoundly by the death of two children, Kate and Peter. I have written about that over the years as well. Today marks five years since their tragic passing. I never go more than a week or so without thin...

On Facebook this week, a handful of people said good riddance to 2013. The self-absorbed person in me was surprised to read that. What? People had bad years? But then I remembered, it is not all about me, and others have had crap handed to them. At the end of 2009, I am pretty sure I would have called it a good year. Yes, I was laid off after almost 13 years at the same place. But I had unemployment comp, subbing, and a tiny bit of freelance work to keep us going, and, more importantly, I got to spend time with my kid! But, just as significant in my mind, both the Steelers and the Pens won championships! That was seriously such a fantastic year for Pittsburgh sports. I still smile when I think about it.:-) I don't have strong feelings about 2010-2012. I don't recall anything too great or awful; and nothing really significant must have happened. Oh, wait, I just remembered now, my mom was sick in 2010. But, hey, she got better! I guess time really does diminish some memories...

In a span of about four hours on Tuesday, I went from worrying about summer childcare for my kid and my unknown work schedule on two projects, to thinking I was going to be working from home on only one project (thus needing a lot less childcare), to finding out all my work was wrapping up due to budget issues (thus needing no childcare). Sigh. Have I mentioned recently how much I hate the economy? I just heard on the news today that the Pittsburgh Public Schools are sending out almost 300 provisional furlough notices. I know of so many people who are either looking for work or who have had to settle for something. I know even more people who have not gotten a raise in years even though the cost of living has continued to go up. When does it end? As for my situation, it is not so bad, really. I highly recommend getting laid off to anyone. Seriously. Once you have gone through that and figured out how to survive it, most work-related things that come after are not so bad. When I s...

When I lie awake at night, often post ideas swim around my head, most of which are pretty good. But when I wake up the next day (or at least when I have the time to sit down and write a post), those great ideas and half-written-in-my-head posts have disappeared. So I just thought I would throw a few things out there. I went to a fashion show today, to support J's school. Considering my near lack of fashion, it is kind of funny, but it was actually a nice time, made better by my winning a small door prize. If nothing else, I was happy to see a pair of medium-length shorts on one of the eight-grade models. Anymore, it seems as if shorts come in two sizes — an inch or two just below the butt or well below the knees, which I guess are not really shorts. Hooray for a happy medium! In case you were wondering, being out of work for three years is kind of like a lifetime. Unfortunately, those few freelance projects over the past few years as well as my share of subbing are just not the...

I have been in a weird place lately. Over the past week or two, I have nearly "written" several posts in my head and pretty much finished one while at the park Thursday. The ramblings lent themselves to names such as the following: "If I actually publish this post, I am pretty sure some friends will be calling me with great concern" "Where is my happy place"  "I can't cry hard enough" "Missing person" "Paralyzed by fear"  As for the first title, well, it is probably obvious that when that post was swirling around my head, I was pretty down. Fortunately, that post never came to fruition. Later, things looked up and something got me smiling again. But, alas, something else had me singing the blues before too long. It could have been another struggle with Jordan (that happens a lot lately, and I am quite sure a post will eventually come of it). Perhaps Brian and I were arguing about Jordan (yeah, it's a problem) o...

I am fairly certain this is the third time this year I have been ill. Prior to this year (or maybe last year), I got sick once a year, more likely once every few years, and it was usually over in a day or two. I have no idea what is going on with me. This particularly illness has really thrown me for a loop. I went to bed at 8 p.m. on Sunday after having felt tired and achy all day long, and  I slept horribly. After about 10 second in the shower the next morning, I felt as if I were going to pass out, which was promptly followed by a wave of nausea. I practically crawled out of the shower and did not even bother to dry off; I was that ill. I asked Brian to take Jordan to school (and to get her ready, breakfast, etc.), and I made my way back to bed, where my 101-plus degree body stayed for most of the rest of the day. As I heard Brian and Jordan getting ready that morning, I thanked God that I was not a single parent. How could I have gotten my kid to school when I was too dizzy...

Can I tell you, again, how much I hate the job search process? I had a second interview scheduled for yesterday, for a temporary (about five months) full-time position. This potential job has been causing this household stress because although so far it is the best-paying job I have come close to, once I have to start paying for childcare this summer, we will most likely come up a little short. Of course, the optimist in me figured we would somehow work out the money situation (maybe Jordan would stay home one or two days a week since Brian works from home). And as I said to hubby, coming away with some money is better than nothing (since I obviously cannot sub this summer). Plus this job could end up becoming permanent (the woman I would be taking over for is going on maternity leave, so you never know). But I would be working full time, something I had not done since the day before Jordan was born. And juggling drop off and pick up, plus Jordan's many school days off, would f...

I don't mean literally looking up, though it has been nice to look up and see the sun in the sky for at least a couple of hours these past few days. I read a blurb in Parents magazine about a study some Dutch scientists conducted regarding optimism. I don't know too many of the details (it was just a short paragraph, after all), just that according to their research, people who are optimistic have a 30 percent lower rate of dying from heart disease than their pessimistic counterparts. According to the mag, to help this optimism along, you should try to think of one happy or positive thing that happened to you each day. Many years ago (maybe 10), a former coworker/current friend and I made ourselves come up with five happy thoughts each day. I think we tired of that after a couple of days, or maybe we just ended up being redundant, so we stopped. But the concept is a good one. In fact, most days I try to think of all the good I have in my life, even when I feel down. When I...

This morning on my way to school, as I hit my preset for Wish 99.7, I was greeted by B.E. Taylor singing "Mary's Boy Child." For a second, I thought I was mistaken, but then I remembered what today is, Light-Up Night. As all Pittsburghers know, Light-Up Night, which is actually going to be a two-day event this year, kicks off the holiday season. Now I don't get all worked up about what people call this time of year (though I am glad the city has abandoned the stupid "Sparkle Season" moniker). I am a Christian so I celebrate the Christ part of Christmas, which to me also includes the giving tree at church. But I love the secular aspects of it as well. I am all about the lights, the carols, the decorations, Santa, the reindeer and elves, the Christmas specials, the food, the goofy sweaters, my silly jingle bell necklace and Santa hat. I cry a couple of happy tears as soon as Westinghouse puts up its tree light decoration along the Parkway East. And the Eat...

For the fun of it, I looked at the labels I have used for various posts. Money was number 2, well ahead of most others, other than football, which was a close second. {Kids was the runaway label winner, more than double that of money. I am speculating, however, that the kids posts are as much if not more about kids in general, thanks to my teaching, as they are about my kid.} Money. I have so much to say about the subject, but as with many things in my life, it confounds me. I read mostly useless financial advice from various sources. I can't imagine too many people don't realize that they could save money by not going to Starbucks every day or by forgoing the water in plastic bottles. And, duh, who does not know that it is more expensive to go out to eat or go see a movie versus cooking at home or renting a movie?! Yes, I am aware that I should be contributing money to a 401k, something I did as soon as I was able to at my first job and continued to up until my last mont...

Every couple of months, I go through this panic. I worry that we will run out of money and will be forced to start living off our savings. I have said that it is coming, but unfortunately, it is now pretty close. I guess the good news is that Brian seems to be on board with our giving no one Christmas presents this year. :-) I met a friend for lunch yesterday and I told her one of the hardest aspects about the job search and even networking in general is the people who have offered to help but never really did. I neither asked for nor expected anyone to find a job for me. Rather, I thought that the nice former client, former coworker, friend, friend of a friend, etc., might reply to an email I sent. The email might have been a simple question, such as do you know anyone at _______ or can you tell me if your company is hiring or looking for freelance help. Perhaps slightly more work for said non-responder would be an email address for an HR person or a request to use their name (not t...

There has been some controversy surrounding a comment that Tom Corbett, who is running for PA governor, made recently. He said that some people would rather collect unemployment compensation than return to work. Do I doubt this is true for some people? No. There are dishonest people. There are lazy people. There are freeloaders. There are all kinds of people in all kinds of places. What a great world this would be if everyone always did the right thing, from politicians, to business owners, and to everyone in between. But not everyone does, unfortunately. In fact, most of us have, at one time or another, done a few things that we could justify or that were not "so bad." But back to Corbett's comments. Speaking from experience, I can tell you that receiving UC is not a way of life, only a temporary solution. Most people receive about 50 to 60 percent of what they made while employed. I think there is a cap on this percentage (say, if you make 100k, you won't get 50...

I get grief from people (both to my face and via other people) about my receiving unemployment compensation. Believe me, as a conservative (well, really a Libertarian, but I refuse to give up my opportunity to vote in the primary, so I have remained a registered Republican), taking this money is not an easy thing for me to do. So let me explain myself for those of you who are wondering or those who may have forgotten my story. I worked at the same company, loyally, for 13 years. The company paid into unemployment on my behalf for those 13 years. I did not ask to be laid off. I was not one of those people, some of whom are still there, who complained relentlessly about everything that went on and how they could not wait to find another job. I was not one of those people who actually tried to get another job but decided they had it better where they were. This is not to say I never had a negative thing to say. But I realized quite some time ago how good I had it. I have applied to num...

I admire people who know exactly what they want to do. Maybe it is a long-term plan, but they know that someday they will get there. Or perhaps they have known since they were kids that this is what they were going to do, and they ended up doing it (this pretty much describes my brothers). But me? I am still searching my soul, just as I have been doing, whether consciously or not, for years. The substitute teaching thing is going okay. Most days I think this is what I want to do. I still want to make a difference, leave someone's (several someones, really) life better than it was before I came along. But I have some moments when the kids are so incredibly disrespectful that I think there is no way I can do this full time. At the very least, I am glad that I don't get called more than three days a week, because sometimes even two days feels like five. Seriously. And on days like yesterday, when I have nary a lesson plan to follow and I am forced to make it up as I am going a...

Do you ever ponder what you would do if you won the Powerball or some other lottery? I know some of you dear readers would never buy a ticket, because of the whole throwing money away thing. I, on the other hand, buy a Powerball ticket a few times a year, because you just never know. Remember, I am surprised every year I don't win my church's big raffle. (I bet this will be the year.) I have actually put a lot of thought into what I would do with this found money, if I ever win. If only I put this much energy into expanding my skills or making the world a better place. Anyway, I thought I would list how I might spend that money, as it stands today. Of course the amount of money I win would affect where it goes, but I am assuming I would come away with 500k. Pay off my house and car. I have a 0 percent interest car loan (which, sorry, Dave Ramsey, I bought new), but if I had some extra big Gs around, I would be happy to end those payments. Open up an IRA. Unfortunately, ...

I think I am a pretty nice person overall. I don't say that in a full-of-myself sort of way, but more that I just try to be nice to people, even when they are not to me. I do not like to hurt other people's feelings. And rejecting people makes me feel uneasy. That is why I have medical records at approximately seven eye doctors, three dentists, three ob-gyns, and two family practices. I never had the heart to tell any of them that I did not like something about them and was moving on (part of the reason is the Seinfeld syndrome). Even on the few occasions when I was leaving because I or my work location moved, I could not make the call. Recently we "interviewed" two window people, and I liked both of them and their offerings. Since their prices are less than 50 bucks apart, it makes it hard to choose. The second one did show up late for the appointment, but he was very apologetic (and he did have to go through two tunnels). I wanted to get a third quote, but I dread...

Ah, home-ownership. Can someone please remind me what is so great about it? We are estimating our roof is about 30 years old. Our windows are a little older than that. Their old age and condition combined with the crazy snow we had this winter pretty much leaves us no choice but to replace both. When you are under-employed, the thought of spending this kind of money is painful. Well, the price tag would be tough to swallow even if both of us were working full time. When we put our house on the market three summers ago (and then again two summers ago), we knew the windows would be a detriment. Most of them are foggy, having gotten moisture in them some time ago. And when we bought our house eight years ago, the inspector said we should probably replace our roof within a few years. I know I was happy that the furnace guy did not fall through the roof this week when he was putting a cap on (although he did say it was pretty spongy)! So it's time. Because we have been dutifu...