Facie’s Ramblings

My friend Mel wrote a post that resonated with me. I must take a trip back over there and comment on it. Because I so get it. I am a fretter (and, spell-check, I don't care if you don't think that is a word). I worry. I ponder. I worry some more. I often wait for the other shoe to drop, as she said. But even though sometimes anxiety gets the best of me, I still continue to be a fairly optimistic person. I try to see the bright side. I count my blessings often. I take pleasure in little things, and I take pleasure in meaningless things. But whatever puts a smile on your face, so long as it is not a detriment to yourself and others, well, it can't be all that bad. As I have posted about a handful of times, Phipps is my happy place. As I have also said a number of times, it was the best $75 I spent almost two years ago, and was again one of the best uses of $75 this past January (or maybe December) when I renewed. I purchased a dual membership, which has allowed me to ta...

I decided a couple of days ago to do a "bright side of December" thing for Facebook. Last year, so many people did 30 days (or however many days there were until Thanksgiving) of thankfulness. No one I knew did that this year, and I realized I kind of missed it. So I figured I, who am often optimistic, would put my own spin on something. On Monday, I had to get my windshield replaced. This was the second time in five years (almost to the day), and in between I had some cracks/nicks replaced. Having to spend $100 (deductible) on something like that so close to Christmas does not make me happy. But the shop ended up doing it in only 20 minutes, and it cost $80 instead. So I decided to think of it as saving $20, not spending $80. Bright side! Oh, and I no longer have to look at the cracks in my windshield. Yesterday, even though I left work 10 minutes early, it took me longer than usual to get home. But I decided that morning to put in a CD of my music ministry's Lessons...

Let me start off by saying I have much to be thankful and grateful for. And I am mostly positive and optimistic, so that helps.  Some days (mostly, fortunately, just hours or even shorter periods), I feel frustrated. Angry. Sad. Other things. I might yell. I most likely will cuss. Sometimes I even cry. I wonder how things got that way. Why this happened to me. When things will get better.  I like things to make sense. I believe people should treat others as well as animals and nature with kindness and/or respect. To this day, I just don't understand why people do otherwise unless they have been badly provoked (for the record, I am pretty sure the empty McDonald's bag you just threw on the street did not provoke you, but I could be mistaken). I don't get it when people are always negative and can't see the upside to anything. I get annoyed when people complain about things and do nothing to try to change the situation. I don't understand why it is so hard for people ...

I don't typically do resolutions. Not exactly, anyway. I try to use the end of one year/beginning of the next to think of ways I can do things better or differently (or eliminate or add some things). But coming up with a list of (lofty) things almost always leads to some disappointment or failure. Last year (in late January, in fact), I decided to write two thank-you notes per month . Unfortunately, I did not quite achieve that goal, but I did send out notes of appreciation in instances when I might not have normally. And times when, for whatever reason, I did not put pen to paper, I at least made sure I thanked people via the phone or email. Back in December, I called my aunt to thank her for the birthday card she sent me. She said she was touched that I would take the time to say thanks for a card when most people would not think to do that. I told her at my age, I hardly get any cards, so I was appreciative. I also sent that same aunt a thank-you note a few weeks later for ope...

For some people, 2012 was really awful. For others, 2012 brought many blessings. For me, 2012 was pretty good and mostly uneventful; there is not any one particular things that stands out for me. I had a short-term job for almost three months. But, much like my last steady/regular job, it seems like almost a lifetime ago. I also did some freelance work for the company where I used to work, and at times, I kind of felt as if I still worked there. And of course there was subbing. I won't even venture a guess as to what 2013 has in store for me job-wise. I am, however, pretty worried about my impending 2012 tax bill. Our run of getting a nice chunk of change back and putting it toward home improvement is over, at least for this year. I just hope we (I) don't owe too much money... I ran, swam, and did Zumba, but did not set the world on fire in any of those areas. Of course, I ran in the Race for Pace 5k and earned a third place medal ( albeit several weeks after the fact ), so...

A blog I visit from time to time recently had a post about free-writing. Well, that was the part of the post that most intrigued me: Kristen explained how she responded to a simple prompt of "I" and went on to write about herself uncensored for five minutes. As my 40th birthday looms ahead (just over two months), I decided to try this free-write myself. So here goes nothing, off the cuff, from the heart. I... I worry a lot, about more things than I should. I love my kid and my husband more than anything else. I love my kid more than my husband, and I know I probably should not. I like football and hockey, to watch. I am a Steelers fan first and a Penn State fan second. Once I had a kid, I decided it was okay not to watch too many PSU games, but I do my best to watch all the Steelers games. I don't think you should leave sporting events early unless you have an emergency or some pressing concern; whether it is a blowout or a close game, I want to ...

I have been in a weird place lately. Over the past week or two, I have nearly "written" several posts in my head and pretty much finished one while at the park Thursday. The ramblings lent themselves to names such as the following: "If I actually publish this post, I am pretty sure some friends will be calling me with great concern" "Where is my happy place"  "I can't cry hard enough" "Missing person" "Paralyzed by fear"  As for the first title, well, it is probably obvious that when that post was swirling around my head, I was pretty down. Fortunately, that post never came to fruition. Later, things looked up and something got me smiling again. But, alas, something else had me singing the blues before too long. It could have been another struggle with Jordan (that happens a lot lately, and I am quite sure a post will eventually come of it). Perhaps Brian and I were arguing about Jordan (yeah, it's a problem) o...

Can I tell you, again, how much I hate the job search process? I had a second interview scheduled for yesterday, for a temporary (about five months) full-time position. This potential job has been causing this household stress because although so far it is the best-paying job I have come close to, once I have to start paying for childcare this summer, we will most likely come up a little short. Of course, the optimist in me figured we would somehow work out the money situation (maybe Jordan would stay home one or two days a week since Brian works from home). And as I said to hubby, coming away with some money is better than nothing (since I obviously cannot sub this summer). Plus this job could end up becoming permanent (the woman I would be taking over for is going on maternity leave, so you never know). But I would be working full time, something I had not done since the day before Jordan was born. And juggling drop off and pick up, plus Jordan's many school days off, would f...

I don't mean literally looking up, though it has been nice to look up and see the sun in the sky for at least a couple of hours these past few days. I read a blurb in Parents magazine about a study some Dutch scientists conducted regarding optimism. I don't know too many of the details (it was just a short paragraph, after all), just that according to their research, people who are optimistic have a 30 percent lower rate of dying from heart disease than their pessimistic counterparts. According to the mag, to help this optimism along, you should try to think of one happy or positive thing that happened to you each day. Many years ago (maybe 10), a former coworker/current friend and I made ourselves come up with five happy thoughts each day. I think we tired of that after a couple of days, or maybe we just ended up being redundant, so we stopped. But the concept is a good one. In fact, most days I try to think of all the good I have in my life, even when I feel down. When I...

Today was the first day of second grade for Jordan. She was nervous last night, but she seemed pretty good this morning, much to my pleasure. She got up without a problem (we'll see how long that lasts; my guess is only one day), and we had plenty of time to spare. So much so that I am hopeful I won't have to get up around 6:40 tomorrow as I did today (her alarm went off a few minutes after that). I just don't know how people get up so stinkin' early! I am hopeful this will be a good year. Already she was a bit dismayed when I told her that she will not get to have a morning snack in second grade (I thought it was kind of odd that they had that in first grade), but she seemed to get over that pretty fast. I have no idea how academics will play out. This summer we spent most days working on a couple of pages from a workbook her first grade teacher recommended, which typically took about 10 minutes. In July we also starting reviewed basic math flash cards most days. S...

One of my favorite quotes is by George W. Bush. He said this near the end of a speech during which he declared war on Afghanistan. I was at the very first game every played at Heinz Field (delayed several weeks because of 9/11), and we got to listen to this during halftime. My mentioning this quote is not to say that I thought Bush was a great president, because I did not. This post isn't even about Bush. It is about how this quote relates to my tough week of subbing. We will not tire, we will not falter, and we will not fail. I subbed for the same class two days this week and was very tired by the end of the day Tuesday. In some ways, I felt like a failure. I had trouble controlling a few kids in the class. It was almost beyond my comprehension that I would have to tell some of them over and over again to be quiet. I get that it is late in the year. These kids are young and full of energy. I don't necessarily blame them for talking when they should not. But I should not ha...

As both a parent and a person who wants life to be fair, I hate that I cannot explain why bad things happen. I think about children who are abused. I think about parents who have lost their child(ren). I think about young widow(er)s. I think of broken marriages and relationships. I think about people lacking health insurance who owe 100k in medical bills. I think about those out of work or underemployed struggling to pay their bills. I think about people suffering from horrible diseases, deformed in some way, or addicted to drugs. I think about countries so poor that some may not eat for days or have clean drinking water. I think about places where war and strife are constant. I think about people right here in the US killing each other. Why? As someone who believes in God, I tell myself that our life on earth is but a brief moment compared to eternity, whatever that is. And that we live in an imperfect world. And that we all have free will. But sometimes those explanations are not eno...

Like many people this time of year, I am reflecting on all the blessings in my life. So, as I did last year, I want to list the many, many things I am thankful for. Jordan . To think I did not want kids and could have missed out on her. She is truly my greatest blessing. Brian . We drive each other crazy more than we should. And sometimes we want to run the other way, far, far away. But he is a good husband, father, cook, and handyman who is doing the best he can. And he just walked in with wine coolers! Family . Jordan and Brian are at the top of my list, but I am also blessed to have the rest of my relatives, especially my mom, dad, brothers and their families. Friends and acquaintances . I have many (more of the latter) and for that I am lucky. Faith . It gets me through tough times and often helps me better appreciate the good times. Health . We have been blessed by relative good health, aches and pains notwithstanding. Home . Unfortunately there are people out there who don't ...

Over the years, I have often wondered about people who have gotten in over their heads. The ones who just before payday have about $25 in their checking accounts. The ones who have no savings to speak of. The ones who carry balances on their credit cards. Although I know most every situation is different, I have to think that some of those aforementioned people think it will all work out somehow (e.g., they will win the lottery or get a 40 percent pay raise). I also think some people are living for the moment and not really sure if they will be around tomorrow, next month, or next year, so they figure why bother planning for the far future. Even though I have been critical of those kinds of people over the years, I'm afraid my current situation and how I am dealing with it puts me in the same neighborhood (well, at least the same town or county) as those people. When this past weekend my little brother said I had turned into a democrat, it was like a slap in the face to me. Nothing...

Michael J. Fox had a TV special one day last week about optimism. I did not catch the entire show, but I did think the topic was a good one. What does make one person an optimist and another more of a doom-and-gloom person? For the most part, I am optimistic, and I think that a simple story I read helped shaped this attitude. In the fall of 1999, I had my heart set on buying a Honda CRV. Unfortunately, I was unable to find a new one at any of the nearby dealerships, and my car lease was about to run out. So one day, Brian and I test-drove a used Ford Explorer. It was bigger and older than what I wanted, but the car and I hit it off well, so I took it. However, within days, I had great feelings of regret and panic. I was sure that my car would need multiple repairs while I would still be paying a hefty car payment. In fact, some nights I did not sleep, I was so worried. Then one day, I thought back to a Chicken Soup for the Soul story I read (or maybe I read it at that time). I don...