Skip to main content

My innermost thoughts, my intimate details

If you know me fairly well, you know that I am a pretty open person. I am sure I have said as much in this blog several times. But I don't share very intimate details here. As you may have noticed, while at my last job, I never really blogged about it. By the time I starting writing this blog, I was pretty content in that area. Not loving-my-job-every-single-day happy, but content enough to realize that I had it pretty good. But even if I had been miserable, I am quite certain you would not have read about it here; I just don't think that is a wise idea, for the mostly obvious reasons.

Similarly, I don't write much about my marriage or any strife within my family. As with most relationships, Brian and I have had our ups and downs. But anytime we have gone through a big fight or struggled with a significant issue, those things have not made it here. My unwillingness to do so is not so much because I don't think it is anyone else's business. In fact, part of me wishes that more people would share tough things they have gone through or are going through. If nothing else, it helps us to realize that the grass is not always greener on the other side, and maybe, just maybe, we are not alone in our struggles. But these experiences are about me and other people. Seems kind of unfair to share their stuff here, even though I sometimes would prefer this outlet.

So I save the more personal and heady stuff for my journal, something I have been doing for about 21 years now. Sometimes, I have gone a year or two in between pennings. Other times, I find myself baring my soul several times a month. This process is not only cathartic but it also provides a nice history of my life. Sometimes I go back and read entries and am reminded of something I struggled with that I had pretty much forgotten about. Other times I am surprised at how angry, sad, or depressed something or someone had made me. Yet, I got through it and moved on. Unfortunately, half the time, I can barely read my scrawl, often written in furious anger!

But maybe that is for the best, really. Do I really want my kid to read about some of the stuff I did in high school and college or to know about things her dad and I went through that it is better she not? What if my siblings or parents ever came across some of my writings that talked about them? What if some of my friends found out that I had issues with the way they lived their lives? For as much as people tell you to keep personal things off the internet, sometimes I wonder if that is really the way to go. You can always delete an entry (seems easier than burning a journal!). And not everyone reads blogs or every posting anyway.

Something to think about. I just know that I am the type of person who needs to vent about these things somewhere. And I don't think I am going to become someone who bottles things up anytime soon.


chris h. said…
I think you're right to keep issues that involve other people off the Web. Even if you're OK with putting it out there, they might not be. Journaling is great for letting you vent without anyone else's prying eyes. If you want affirmation or opinions about a situation (and who doesn't, especially when something's made you mad and you think you're right), you're better off just talking with a close friend or two. You can delete a post, sure, but you can't delete any bad feelings or tension it might generate, or the fact that "the world" knows your business.
Facie said…
Chris, good points. I will try to avoid the temptation to spill my feelings about others. And my "deep," make-people-uncomfortable issues as well.

Popular posts from this blog


Lately, I have had some anxiety. I have been waking up within an hour of when I fall asleep (partially because my bladder has its own timetable). And then I lie awake, worrying about various things. Mostly I worry that I am failing as a parent. I worry that I allow my child to be disrespectful to me more than she should. I worry that I am not forcing my shy child to do more things. And I worry that the few things I am pushing her to do will make her resent me. I worry that she gets stressed about school. I worry that she is bothered because she does not have a lot of friends. I worry because I don't know why that is.

I worry that we will be stuck in our house in our bad school district, a place where we would not send our child to high school when she graduates in two years (two years!). Then I worry that our somewhat introverted child will have to go to cyber school. Because there is just no way that we could afford to send her to Catholic high school, for which tuition is curren…

Why I am an "Other"

Last month while I was getting my driver's license picture taken, I tried to change my political party affiliation. For whatever reason, my choices were Democrat, Republican, Other, and None. But first, how I got there.

I registered as a Democrat when I first registered to vote, just before the '92 election. At that time, I was "kind of" liberal (for growing up in a somewhat rural area in western PA), and pretty much all of my relatives were registered that way, so it made sense. I was not really into politics at that young age, however.

As I got into my late 20s, I started to realize I was becoming more conservative, so a few years later, when it was time to renew my driver's license, I changed to Republican. I still remember the day at work when I told my coworker Anne that I was really a Republican. She told me she had known it for years. During the 2008 election, I was on board with John McCain running for president, mostly because I thought he was a good pe…

My first and hopefully my last biposy (or I would rather be at the beach)

This past Monday afternoon I had my biopsy. Up until Sunday night, I was not worried. In fact, I was never really concerned about having cancer; it was the needle part that bothered me. As it turns out, there is more than a needle; there is an actual incision. So it was not surprising that I only got a few hours of sleep. But on a positive note, I cruised right down the Parkway that morning, being the Monday before the 4th, so there was that.

I got there at the prescribed 30 minutes ahead of time; in fact, it was probably close to 35 minutes! I had to wait about 10 minutes, during which I could feel my seat vibrate (still not sure about that; I was tired but I don't think I was imaging it). Then I went back, changed, and waited in the "gowned waiting area" for no more than 5 minutes. Not even enough time to find out whose twins Jennifer Garner was pregnant with! WARNING: What follows will be detailed, though not too graphic.

Then I went back to a room, where someone as…