When I refer to TMI, I am not talking about people sharing (often gross) things they probably should not. But rather sharing a friend's or a relative's personal information with a spouse or significant other.
I know people who have cheated on their spouses, had abortions, have been raped or victims of domestic violence, committed (minor) criminal acts, did not disclose things to the government that they should have, suffered from various mental aliments, and who have been drug addicts or alcoholics. In most cases, I have not shared that information with Brian unless the person told me I could or I felt he needed to know for family safety issues (e.g., you have to consider who you let your children around). I am certain he would think less of some of these people if he knew things they did, so what purpose does it serve telling him? But more importantly, I want these people who confide in me to know they have my word.
I can honestly say I don't think I can trust any of my friends not to tell their spouses something very personal that I have shared with them, which is why I very carefully consider things I disclose, and which is also why even though I am pretty open, there are a couple of things that no one really know about (nothing illegal, don't worry!). I don't think this makes my friends "bad" people or not "true" friends. And it may be that I have a couple of friends who really, truly would not share something highly personal with their spouses. But history and past experiences tell me otherwise.
So I ask, do you tell your significant other/partner/spouse everything, even things that friends tell you not to? If you take it on a case-by-case basis, what is the tipping factor? Or if your special someone is in the dark about everyone else's business, is he/she okay with that, or do you feel as if you are hiding something from your guy/gal?
I probably won't change the way I am, but I am interested in how others roll with these kinds of issues.
I know people who have cheated on their spouses, had abortions, have been raped or victims of domestic violence, committed (minor) criminal acts, did not disclose things to the government that they should have, suffered from various mental aliments, and who have been drug addicts or alcoholics. In most cases, I have not shared that information with Brian unless the person told me I could or I felt he needed to know for family safety issues (e.g., you have to consider who you let your children around). I am certain he would think less of some of these people if he knew things they did, so what purpose does it serve telling him? But more importantly, I want these people who confide in me to know they have my word.
I can honestly say I don't think I can trust any of my friends not to tell their spouses something very personal that I have shared with them, which is why I very carefully consider things I disclose, and which is also why even though I am pretty open, there are a couple of things that no one really know about (nothing illegal, don't worry!). I don't think this makes my friends "bad" people or not "true" friends. And it may be that I have a couple of friends who really, truly would not share something highly personal with their spouses. But history and past experiences tell me otherwise.
So I ask, do you tell your significant other/partner/spouse everything, even things that friends tell you not to? If you take it on a case-by-case basis, what is the tipping factor? Or if your special someone is in the dark about everyone else's business, is he/she okay with that, or do you feel as if you are hiding something from your guy/gal?
I probably won't change the way I am, but I am interested in how others roll with these kinds of issues.
Comments
Sometimes, I would ask them if I could share the info with my wife, whom they probably knew. Usually this was in cases in which they were asking for prayer or some kind of emotional support.
Today, way fewer people confide things to me. (Which is fine by me, by the way.) If I find out something about someone (like when other people blab) I would probably also tell my wife. If someone told me something directly, I would probably ask permission. Or, as you said, if it would affect her opinion of someone, I would probably not tell.
--carpetbagger
Bagger: Weird about the ID thing. But thanks for trying on three computers! That is one of the distinct advantages of being Catholic--you can tell a priest anything and not worry that he is going to tell his spouse. And whatever you confess, even if it is a crime, cannot leave the confessional.
Lynnie: Bri is that same way when it comes to others, although it is more that he just does not care, not so much that he is being respectful!
Chris: I don't recall someone asking me not to tell Brian, but people have asked me not to tell anyone, and I guess that is my question, are spouses not counted as just "anyone"? Kind of like Mike, Brian is hardly friends with any of my friends, so most of the time, if I tell him something, it is not a big deal b/c it is not as if he will see them or tell one of their friends.