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It's like 25 in Hollywood years

Today, Brian and I have been married 10 years. As I wrote on my Facebook status update, it does not feel like a day over 20. :-)

Think about how many marriages in Hollywood have lasted that long. There are not too many, I am afraid. What makes these people give up so soon? I think part of it is that a lot of stars are self-centered. When so many people worship you, it is probably hard not to be, so it should not be surprising that they think they deserve the best of everything. And when they hit a rough patch, well, why not move on to find something better, someone else who will worship them?

I think another part of it is the glamour of these relationships. When you are first in love, there is probably a lot of romance going on. Cards, flowers, nice dinners. When you make seven or eight figures, you can probably spend 30 grand on a date without batting an eyelash, and that kind of date is most likely spectacular. And the weddings some of these people have, often fairytale like...

But when all that stuff wears off, you have a real relationship to maintain, and if you are married or in a long-term/committed relationship, you know it is not easy.

When I think of what has kept us together over the past 10 years (and Lord knows there were times I was not sure we would make it this far; heck, I was not sure we were going to make it to our one-year anniversary for a brief period), I think for us it is commitment. It sounds so simple, yet it is certainly not easy. But we are committed to each other/our family. Even when we have gone through rough patches, as many of you have, I imagine, we knew we were in it for the long haul, and we were not willing to give up so easily, particularly because we have a child we are completely devoted to. The other thing that has helped me over the years was heeding the advice of a friend (thank you E$) who said not to compare my relationship to anyone else's. Realizing that others are probably not in perfect relationships has helped. But even if they were blissfully happy all the time, that should not matter. The relationship that I am in is what counts.

How about you? If you are married or in a long-term relationship, what has worked for you? Certainly what works for one couple won't for another, but I would love to hear what has kept you together over the years.

And here's to 10 more, plus another 40 or 50 for good measure!

Comments

Erica said…
Way to go! Congratulations on a decade of commitment, and I'm glad the advice was valuable to you.
Mel said…
I'll bear my soul here for a rare moment... On our wedding day, I (who would not be described as a weeper) almost wept when I recited part of our vows to my then-almost-husband: "...God has prepared me for you..." That was the part that almost got me. I really grasped the truth of it in that moment. When we are flagging and struggling (as we have been recently, what with layoffs and all), I think of that moment, the truth in that statement. If God prepared me for someone, and I promise Him and the person to stay faithful and true, then how can I even consider walking? Answer: I can't.

Congrats to you and B for keeping your promise. Stay the course.
Mel said…
OOPS--that's supposed to be "bare my soul." Yes, I are a english major, uh-huh.
Anonymous said…
Have a sense of humor. I don't think one or both of you have to be funny, but you need to be able to laugh.
chris h. said…
My advice -- don't do too many home improvement projects together... (But then, we have only been married for 3-1/2 years so what do I know?)

Really, this fixer-upper house may be the death of us, but not our marriage. I just hope we both go together so neither one is saddled with finishing it alone.

Congrats on 10 years!
Facie :-) said…
Thanks for sharing, everyone.

I have a few more to add.

1. If you can avoid it, both of you should not be home all day every day (or you don't do this if you are Bri and I).

2. Do things together and apart. If you don't do anything as a couple, how can you expect to maintain your relationship? And if you give up a lot for someone, you will probably resent the other persn and lose a part of who you are.

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