Skip to main content

It's like 25 in Hollywood years

Today, Brian and I have been married 10 years. As I wrote on my Facebook status update, it does not feel like a day over 20. :-)

Think about how many marriages in Hollywood have lasted that long. There are not too many, I am afraid. What makes these people give up so soon? I think part of it is that a lot of stars are self-centered. When so many people worship you, it is probably hard not to be, so it should not be surprising that they think they deserve the best of everything. And when they hit a rough patch, well, why not move on to find something better, someone else who will worship them?

I think another part of it is the glamour of these relationships. When you are first in love, there is probably a lot of romance going on. Cards, flowers, nice dinners. When you make seven or eight figures, you can probably spend 30 grand on a date without batting an eyelash, and that kind of date is most likely spectacular. And the weddings some of these people have, often fairytale like...

But when all that stuff wears off, you have a real relationship to maintain, and if you are married or in a long-term/committed relationship, you know it is not easy.

When I think of what has kept us together over the past 10 years (and Lord knows there were times I was not sure we would make it this far; heck, I was not sure we were going to make it to our one-year anniversary for a brief period), I think for us it is commitment. It sounds so simple, yet it is certainly not easy. But we are committed to each other/our family. Even when we have gone through rough patches, as many of you have, I imagine, we knew we were in it for the long haul, and we were not willing to give up so easily, particularly because we have a child we are completely devoted to. The other thing that has helped me over the years was heeding the advice of a friend (thank you E$) who said not to compare my relationship to anyone else's. Realizing that others are probably not in perfect relationships has helped. But even if they were blissfully happy all the time, that should not matter. The relationship that I am in is what counts.

How about you? If you are married or in a long-term relationship, what has worked for you? Certainly what works for one couple won't for another, but I would love to hear what has kept you together over the years.

And here's to 10 more, plus another 40 or 50 for good measure!


Erica said…
Way to go! Congratulations on a decade of commitment, and I'm glad the advice was valuable to you.
Mel said…
I'll bear my soul here for a rare moment... On our wedding day, I (who would not be described as a weeper) almost wept when I recited part of our vows to my then-almost-husband: "...God has prepared me for you..." That was the part that almost got me. I really grasped the truth of it in that moment. When we are flagging and struggling (as we have been recently, what with layoffs and all), I think of that moment, the truth in that statement. If God prepared me for someone, and I promise Him and the person to stay faithful and true, then how can I even consider walking? Answer: I can't.

Congrats to you and B for keeping your promise. Stay the course.
Mel said…
OOPS--that's supposed to be "bare my soul." Yes, I are a english major, uh-huh.
Anonymous said…
Have a sense of humor. I don't think one or both of you have to be funny, but you need to be able to laugh.
chris h. said…
My advice -- don't do too many home improvement projects together... (But then, we have only been married for 3-1/2 years so what do I know?)

Really, this fixer-upper house may be the death of us, but not our marriage. I just hope we both go together so neither one is saddled with finishing it alone.

Congrats on 10 years!
Facie :-) said…
Thanks for sharing, everyone.

I have a few more to add.

1. If you can avoid it, both of you should not be home all day every day (or you don't do this if you are Bri and I).

2. Do things together and apart. If you don't do anything as a couple, how can you expect to maintain your relationship? And if you give up a lot for someone, you will probably resent the other persn and lose a part of who you are.

Popular posts from this blog


Lately, I have had some anxiety. I have been waking up within an hour of when I fall asleep (partially because my bladder has its own timetable). And then I lie awake, worrying about various things. Mostly I worry that I am failing as a parent. I worry that I allow my child to be disrespectful to me more than she should. I worry that I am not forcing my shy child to do more things. And I worry that the few things I am pushing her to do will make her resent me. I worry that she gets stressed about school. I worry that she is bothered because she does not have a lot of friends. I worry because I don't know why that is.

I worry that we will be stuck in our house in our bad school district, a place where we would not send our child to high school when she graduates in two years (two years!). Then I worry that our somewhat introverted child will have to go to cyber school. Because there is just no way that we could afford to send her to Catholic high school, for which tuition is curren…

Why I am an "Other"

Last month while I was getting my driver's license picture taken, I tried to change my political party affiliation. For whatever reason, my choices were Democrat, Republican, Other, and None. But first, how I got there.

I registered as a Democrat when I first registered to vote, just before the '92 election. At that time, I was "kind of" liberal (for growing up in a somewhat rural area in western PA), and pretty much all of my relatives were registered that way, so it made sense. I was not really into politics at that young age, however.

As I got into my late 20s, I started to realize I was becoming more conservative, so a few years later, when it was time to renew my driver's license, I changed to Republican. I still remember the day at work when I told my coworker Anne that I was really a Republican. She told me she had known it for years. During the 2008 election, I was on board with John McCain running for president, mostly because I thought he was a good pe…

My first and hopefully my last biposy (or I would rather be at the beach)

This past Monday afternoon I had my biopsy. Up until Sunday night, I was not worried. In fact, I was never really concerned about having cancer; it was the needle part that bothered me. As it turns out, there is more than a needle; there is an actual incision. So it was not surprising that I only got a few hours of sleep. But on a positive note, I cruised right down the Parkway that morning, being the Monday before the 4th, so there was that.

I got there at the prescribed 30 minutes ahead of time; in fact, it was probably close to 35 minutes! I had to wait about 10 minutes, during which I could feel my seat vibrate (still not sure about that; I was tired but I don't think I was imaging it). Then I went back, changed, and waited in the "gowned waiting area" for no more than 5 minutes. Not even enough time to find out whose twins Jennifer Garner was pregnant with! WARNING: What follows will be detailed, though not too graphic.

Then I went back to a room, where someone as…