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I am not sure if I should be annoyed or proud.

Ever since I have gone back work, I have gone a good job there, fortunately, but my parenting as far as what J needs for school has really been lacking. I often forget things that J needs to have or do, or I read about them too late. And my heart breaks a little each time (and, for the record, I remember to put most things on a calendar; I just forget to look at it daily).

On Sunday, it dawned on my that J had her school Valentine party on Friday. I asked her if she was supposed to bring something in, as no note came home. She said she was not sure. I asked her again a day or two later, and she said they could bring in something if they wanted to. I asked J if she wanted to. She said no.

I was mostly glad about that. Partly because it is difficult for me to stop anywhere after work during the week; my evenings are mostly shot, and I have been busy at work this week and staying late  as well as working from home in the evenings. But as important to me was I just don't think kids need another pencil/eraser which won't work or more sugar crap.

Regardless, this morning, I offered to stop at the store so we could buy a bag of candy, just so she would have something to give; I hated to think she would be one of only a couple of kids who brought nothing. But she said she did not care.

When I got home this week (on time for the very first day!), I asked her how many kids brought in stuff. Her reply? Everyone. But her, of course. I felt embarrassed right away, wondering if the teacher, some students, or the parents who were there for the party noticed that and thought ill of us. But when I asked J if it bothered her that she was the only kid who brought nothing, she said no. And, you know what, I am pretty sure she meant it.

That mostly made me glad. It is refreshing that she really does not care what the others think (and least about this!) and did not think it was important to have something/be like everyone else. But then there is that part of me that thinks maybe she is too apathetic. I mean she got something from all the other kids and yet she brought nothing. That seems kind of wrong.

I think this "holiday" is so silly anyway (though, for the record, I did wear red as well as heart sticker). But I hope I am not taking the love and giving out of the whole thing...

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