The One

This past weekend, at the service for my former babysitter, I ran into the mom of a pretty good friend (partner in crime, really) from high school. I had met the mom only once, and did not recognize her. During our conversation, I found out her son he had moved back to area. I told her it would be great to hear from him or see him again, and she said she would tell him she ran into me. She asked if I was married and had kids, and I asked the same of her son. She said he had a girlfriend, but that she was not "the one." And then she said, "I think you were the one." I felt a little weird, but I managed to say something like he was a great guy/good friend. We both did like each other at different times, perhaps once at the same time, but it was just not meant to be.

But what is "the one" really? Except in very rare cases, I just don't believe there is only one person meant for each of us. After all, I have thought probably three or four different guys were "the one" and that does not even include the many crushes I had in high school, for the love of Pete! Quite a few years ago, some friends and I went to see a local band a number of times. About 4.5 years ago, the keyboardist passed away, leaving behind a young widow, a preschooler, and a son on the way. This poor woman, as evidenced by her online writings, was inconsolable for years. I felt so bad for her kids who it seemed were missing out on both parents due to this woman's grief. But I also thought if there was ever "the one," this guy was surely it for her.

I look at couples around me and wonder if they think their spouse is the one. In most cases, I really do think that these people have done a good job finding a person suitable for them. But I think it is quite possible that these same people could have been just as happy with another. I remember being in love in college, and after we broke up, I thought it was just awful to feel that for someone and then not end up with that person. But you get over it. You move on. And at some point, hopefully you can be glad that you had the opportunity to know love more than once.

The day after the mom made the comment about my being the one for her son, I was reminded of the time I ran into a high school crush at a wedding about six years ago. I decided to go up to this person and tell him I liked him at one time. I thought maybe he would be flattered. A lot of years had passed, and I was happily married, so what was the harm. But instead, he looked really embarrassed and said nothing. Maybe he felt the same way. Or, more likely, he never felt anything toward me, the skinny girl with braces and glasses, and was afraid it would hurt my feelings. If only he knew that he was one of probably 20 guys I liked during my high school years...

So here is hoping you have found the one that you think is the one. Or, hopefully you can at least love the one you're with. But just remember, it is better to have lost in love, than never to have loved at all.


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