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Keeping the peace

A week and a half ago, I showed up an hour early to pick up Jordan from her caregiver, E, and there she was on the front porch coloring. Alone. Over 10 minutes went by from the time I arrived until E came out; who knows how long Jordan was by herself before I arrived. Just in the time I was there, Jordan started shrieking when a bee flew near her, and the UPS guy came up to the porch to deliver a package while the dogs were barking. Yet this woman never came out to check on Jordan. Either E could not hear her or she was just ignoring her. I am pretty confident my kid would not leave the yard; I was more concerned about her getting hurt, or, God forbid, someone grabbing her. I was angry and upset, yet I said nothing.

Some of you are probably surprised that I, someone who rarely fails to express my opinion or rant, would keep my mouth shut about this. But I have several reasons why I said nothing, justified and logical or not.

Part of me was afraid if I asked E how long Jordan had been left alone, E might have said just a few minutes, or she might have said that she was just in the next room and that her yard is fenced so what would have happened. Neither answer would have made me happy.

Throughout the years Jordan has been going to E's, I have brought up concerns that were often dismissed. One big one was that E would often not lock her door. At times when I arrived, through the front door into the living room where the kids were, E was in the next room, and she did not hear me. I mentioned this to her a few times (she would start to lock the doors, but then after awhile would forget), and her responses were that she lived in a safe neighborhood, what was going to happen, she was just in the next room, she has over 30 years of experience, etc. After awhile I just gave up, but fortunately last year this woman's grandson started to escape, so she had to lock the door.

E knows that I was going to look for care elsewhere since she would soon be watching the kids out of her daughter's house, which is out of my way. And when I showed up that Friday and Jordan was alone, I was pretty sure that was the end of Jordan's at E's. But I had not found someone yet, so part of me thought if I really said how I felt and it did not go well, I would be out of luck for a few weeks until I found someone else to care for Jordan.

Even though I did not think Jordan was getting the best care from this woman, for the most part, I was not concerned. She was close to my job, which put me at ease, and this woman is also a distant relative of Brian's so I felt pretty confident that she cared about Jordan and would never do anything to intentionally hurt her. But I just think this incident pushed me over the edge. And I am pretty sure had I not been thinking of taking Jordan elsewhere, I would have had to have said something, to prevent it from happening in the future.

Fortunately, we found somewhere else for Jordan to go (please, God, let this go well), and I very explicitly explained my views on care to this woman. I have not told E that Jordan won't be back; she is now on vacation. So when I tell E that Jordan won't be back, do I tell her the big factor was that she was left alone? Has too much time passed? I am not a fan of burning bridges, but then again I don't plan to bring Jordan back there.

I have no idea what I will end up doing (I have just over a week to figure it out), but in the meantime, I would love to hear what any of you would do or what you think.


cc said…
Knowing you are not a big fan of confrontation and knowing that one would not do any good (in my opinion), it is best just to say the new place is inconvenient and leave it at that.
Anonymous said…
How about sending her the address to your blog site and let her read your comments herself. That would avoid the confrontation face to face.

In all honesty, I suggest that you tell her to protect the other's that she is watching. Heaven forbid that something happen to another child and you would have that on your conscious.

It is best to be upfront and honest.
Facie :-) said…
I am really leaning towards saying nothing, but when I tell Elvie I am leaving, I am afraid it might come up, especially if she says something negative. I am not a good liar, so if anyone has a diplomatic way to say why I am leaving that at leasts hints at the real reason, I would love to hear it

No, I am not worried about having something on my conscience. The purpose of my telling her why we were leaving was so she might finally realize her continued ignoring of my safety concerns went too far.

Clearly E is never going to change; through the years E has said how overprotective I was, how much I worried, how many questions I asked, sometimes making me feel bad for sharing my concerns. Anything bad that happens from her lack of care has nothing to do with me and what I did not say; I have done all I can, apparently way more than any other parents who evidently never complained or brought up safey concerns.

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