Two weeks ago today, my dad died. At this time (9 a.m.) I was either getting ready to head to the hospital or on my way. The day before, we thought he probably had days left, which was good in that it meant we had more time to spend together and he was in no pain, but bad in that he was just lying there, not reacting. Why keep going on? Plus twice I had gotten a phone call saying he had hours left to live. Those calls are awful.
I typically think about my dad when I first wake up. Today, he was not my first thought; it was, which cat is lying next to my feet. But he came to mind soon after.
Most days I have cried; some more than others. I had a run of 2 or 3 days where I did not cry at all, but then on Monday, I got some more sympathy cards in the mail. Even Verizon started their letter about discontinuing my dad's service/phone with "On behalf of Verizon Wireless we would like to extend our deepest sympathies to you concerning your recent loss." Verizon has made me cry before, but not for that reason!
Yesterday I spent some time on the phone arguing with Dish network. I went through some hoops a month ago trying to cancel my dad's service. I explained he was living in a nursing home, and I had just recently gotten power of attorney, so I could not do anything before that. I had to have the nursing home write a letter saying dad was living there, so they would not charge him the $400 early cancellation fee. Within a few days, the nursing home sent the letter, but for some reason, Dish did not close the account. I only discovered this because I got into my dad's email. I said was not going to pay for my dad's final bill since I did not sign up for it, the woman whom I talked to never mentioned he owed money for part of a month, and because they did not cancel his service when they were supposed. After several minutes, the CSR agreed.
Fortunately, I had taken care of most of dad's bills before he passed. But there are still a few, most notably medical. Since my dad did not have a will and I no longer have access to his checking account, I am a bit of a standstill. At some point, I am going to have to talk to a lawyer. But for now, I am putting that off.
My advice to anyone: Have a will. Maybe put your kid on your bank account. My dad was pretty bad with money, so I did not want to do that, but it might make sense for others (it was enough for me just to have POA so I could write checks out of his account). I also discovered my dad has a small mutual fund. I logged in and saw he had no beneficiaries. When I was told not even 1.5 months ago, after my dad fell in the nursing home, that dad probably had 6 months left to live, it kind of floored me. I was not about to have those hard conversations right away, and I thought I had time. But dad never really recovered from that fall. I am glad I did ask him what he wanted for his funeral. That was tough, and I hated to do it. But we would have likely buried him not where he wanted to be; I always assumed he would want to be buried with his parents.
I will still continue to work through things, including my grief. I know some days will be harder than others. But I still keep reminding myself that had he not passed, he would have been alone and in pain in a nursing home. That brings me a lot of comfort.
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It's good to see you writing again though.