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Only child

Most of my friends know I don't really want another child. I was spouting off the reasons to two of my dearest and oldest (not in age) friends over the weekend. I told Chris I probably have about 53 reasons, but only about a half dozen I could come up with at that point:

  • I don't really like babies unless I can hold them for a bit and give them back when they cry. I remember holding a coworker's baby when I was about six months pregnant. It felt awkward, and I looked as if I was in pain.
  • It is easier to keep track of just one kid; I was freaked out enough when I took Jordan on her first airplane ride. If I had two, I probably would have been weeping the entire time.
  • People are more willing to watch only one kid.
  • I can hold my one kid relatively easily (though not for long); I watched my niece and nephew beg to be held by my then eight-months pregnant sister-in-law last month and wondered how she handled it. And with more than two, that is more hands than you have!
  • Once you get through a stage (up every two hours, diaper changing, constant watching, gates everywhere, etc.), you don't really want to go back to that. It is nice to take a shower for 10 minutes and not worry that your kid will choke on a toy, ingest something poisonous, pull a dresser on herself, etc.
  • You have to worry about only one schedule for naps, bedtime, daycare/school pickups, etc.
  • Another kid means a lot less money. I cannot imagine paying double for daycare for all those years and then having to worry about college. I am not even talking diapers and food. This is a biggie for us. I obssess about money, so the thought of having to live paycheck to paycheck and not having a savings account really scares me.

But for all those negatives, every time I see a parent with more than one kid or a friend or relative tells me she is expecting, I experience a tinge of jealousy. Sometimes it is for selfish reasons, like how I get tired of my being my kid's constant playmate (tonight, I was a cowboy, the grandpa, and a dragon. After about an hour of this, I balked at being the prince, which I have been at least 100 times in the past two years). And if you screw your one kid up, well, you don't have anyone else. But mostly, I don't want my kid to miss having a sibling. I fought a lot with my brothers, mostly my little one. But I am so glad I have them, even if Chris and I still spar, and it sometime takes Joe weeks to call me back. And I have nieces and nephews that I love dearly and wish I could see more often. These are the things that I hate for Jordan to miss out on. And I don't even want to think about when she gets older (and we are much older).

I told myself if I did not have another kid by the time I was 35, I would be done; then it was 36. Well, now that I am 36, I am giving myself until I am 37 to decide. Check in with me in just under 11 months...


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