Let me start off by saying I have much to be thankful and grateful for. And I am mostly positive and optimistic, so that helps.
Some days (mostly, fortunately, just hours or even shorter periods), I feel frustrated. Angry. Sad. Other things.
I might yell. I most likely will cuss. Sometimes I even cry.
I wonder how things got that way. Why this happened to me. When things will get better.
I like things to make sense. I believe people should treat others as well as animals and nature with kindness and/or respect. To this day, I just don't understand why people do otherwise unless they have been badly provoked (for the record, I am pretty sure the empty McDonald's bag you just threw on the street did not provoke you, but I could be mistaken).
I don't get it when people are always negative and can't see the upside to anything. I get annoyed when people complain about things and do nothing to try to change the situation. I don't understand why it is so hard for people to admit when they are wrong. And I get frustrated when people get upset and give up easily. Whoever said life was or should be easy?!
All of this does not take into account depression or mental illness (and I am hopeful that not all or even most people who fit the above bill are depressed or mentally ill, though I am fairly certain some are).
Is it selfish of me to think it's okay when I get mad or sad, but get annoyed when others do it so much more? Maybe.
Am I better than the people who seem to talk about others often just because I do it only once in awhile? Probably not.
Just because I can admit I need to be better at something but choose to do nothing about it, is that somehow more acceptable than those who rant and rave about a situation but can't see their part in it? Not really, I suppose.
I really have no idea where I am going with this. I just know that sometimes I want to scream, and tonight, for about 15 minutes, was one of those times. As was a time late this afternoon. And briefly yesterday. And probably 12 other times in the last couple of weeks.
Sometimes I feel as if I am failing, which bothers me. And other times I feel as if others are failing, and that bothers me too.
And I just don't know what to do.
But the good news is that the positive optimist that I am won't dwell on this.
But, alas, it will come back.