I have "written" versions of this post in my head many times. In fact, if I went back and looked, I would probably discover most of it in an older post. But since I don't feel like trying to figure that out and because this is what I am thinking about now, I am just going to put it out there now. Not well written, but, to quote one of my favorite sayings, it is what it is.
I cannot seem to go more than a few days without lamenting that I have only one child. This was a mostly intentional decision, mind you. Brian and I had said we would have another child once we sold our house and moved into another. But we tried the house selling in 2007 and 2008, and got nowhere. By the fall of 2008, I really did not want another child, so I gave up that thought. I still don't want another child. Really.
But much like some (many?) childless people, I wonder if I won't regret having an only child down the road. There are many days when I think about it. My kid is stuck with me all summer long; she does not have a sibling to play with. And as much as I love being with her, I can take only so much Barbies, babies, princesses and games of tag.
My mother sometimes reminds me that she never played those things with me, and since I have two brothers, as you can imagine, Barbie, Ken, and I were on our own. But still, I had brothers to do some things with, whether it was run around outside, go swimming, play board games, or just fight. The only person J has to fight with is me.
I am pretty close to my brothers; although I don't see them more than a few times a year due to distance, we do chat on the phone a few times per month. But my kid will never have a sibling to talk to on the phone or visit. She will never be able to ask her brothers for advice as I often due. And when parent issues arise, they will all fall on her. That can be a big burden.
J and I recently spent a few days with my mom and six-year-old nephew. Unless J and Ben were watching TV, I don't think they were able to go more than 10 minutes without fighting. During most of the visit, I found myself being glad I have only one. But even with all that squabbling, there were moments when I thought that it was sad that J would never have someone to love and despise like that.
How do other parents of only children make peace with that decision, whether intentional or not? And, more importantly to me, why can't I?
Oh, and I did go back to see if I had written a similar post. And. surprise, surprise, I found a post I had written over a year ago that sounded an awful lot this one. Yep, still fretting over the same old thing..