Skip to main content

Sometimes I miss that girl

When I was in high school, I was in the school chorus as well as in every play and musical. My senior year, I got the lead for the spring musical; I was Reno Sweeney in Anything Goes, a musical I had never heard of with a leading lady who had a masculine-sounding name, in my opinion.

Since then I have sung in a handful of weddings as well as a few funerals. I have been in my church choir since 2001. At my last full-time job, I would often break into song. And I have been known to start singing at the pool whenever Jordan and I are the only people there (good acoustics).

Yet for all that singing and performing, I cannot bring myself to sing a solo at church or, more topically, sing for our music ministry's Cabaret Night next weekend (Are you interested in going?!!).

I kind of want to sing for this event. In fact, just this morning in the car, I found myself singing two songs from Jesus Christ Superstar, which is my favorite musical (technically a rock opera). When I tried out for Anything Goes my senior year in high school, I sang "Everything's Alright" from Jesus Christ Superstar (apparently it did the trick). When I was in college, as part of a group project for an education class, I sang "I Don't Know How to Love Him," which is also from JCS. I still remember a girl in the class saying she had no idea I could sing. Why would she? I knew almost no one outside of class, and it is not as if you normally sing during a college class (or any class, for that matter).

But that was then and this is now. My voice, once aided by a couple years of voice lessons in college, is neither as pretty nor as high as it used to be (oh, how I miss the days when Mariah Carey's warbling had nothing on me). In fact, now I get excited when I open my mouth to sing a high note and something actually comes out.

And really, I am okay with this. I don't mind being in the background in the choir, which is easier to do since we now number around 30. I have since given up my dream to sing the National Anthem at Three Rivers Stadium, for more than the obvious reason. I no longer lament that I am too old to be on American Idol.

But if I am being perfectly honest, there is a little part of me that wishes I was still that gal who not only could sound pretty singing in front of a large group, but who also had the guts to do so to begin with.

Sometimes I miss the "Look at me!" Facie. The brave woman who loved the attention. But who knows? Maybe she will make an appearance before my 40th...


Sherri said…
I miss dance in the same way. I was goood at one time - still can put people half my age to shame - though, I'm not going to be getting an auditions anytime soon - already hitting 40 and all :-). You could still sing, though. Plenty of roles for you in local theater, etc. Go for it! It sounds like you still have the interest and ability :-).

Popular posts from this blog


Lately, I have had some anxiety. I have been waking up within an hour of when I fall asleep (partially because my bladder has its own timetable). And then I lie awake, worrying about various things. Mostly I worry that I am failing as a parent. I worry that I allow my child to be disrespectful to me more than she should. I worry that I am not forcing my shy child to do more things. And I worry that the few things I am pushing her to do will make her resent me. I worry that she gets stressed about school. I worry that she is bothered because she does not have a lot of friends. I worry because I don't know why that is.

I worry that we will be stuck in our house in our bad school district, a place where we would not send our child to high school when she graduates in two years (two years!). Then I worry that our somewhat introverted child will have to go to cyber school. Because there is just no way that we could afford to send her to Catholic high school, for which tuition is curren…

Why I am an "Other"

Last month while I was getting my driver's license picture taken, I tried to change my political party affiliation. For whatever reason, my choices were Democrat, Republican, Other, and None. But first, how I got there.

I registered as a Democrat when I first registered to vote, just before the '92 election. At that time, I was "kind of" liberal (for growing up in a somewhat rural area in western PA), and pretty much all of my relatives were registered that way, so it made sense. I was not really into politics at that young age, however.

As I got into my late 20s, I started to realize I was becoming more conservative, so a few years later, when it was time to renew my driver's license, I changed to Republican. I still remember the day at work when I told my coworker Anne that I was really a Republican. She told me she had known it for years. During the 2008 election, I was on board with John McCain running for president, mostly because I thought he was a good pe…

My first and hopefully my last biposy (or I would rather be at the beach)

This past Monday afternoon I had my biopsy. Up until Sunday night, I was not worried. In fact, I was never really concerned about having cancer; it was the needle part that bothered me. As it turns out, there is more than a needle; there is an actual incision. So it was not surprising that I only got a few hours of sleep. But on a positive note, I cruised right down the Parkway that morning, being the Monday before the 4th, so there was that.

I got there at the prescribed 30 minutes ahead of time; in fact, it was probably close to 35 minutes! I had to wait about 10 minutes, during which I could feel my seat vibrate (still not sure about that; I was tired but I don't think I was imaging it). Then I went back, changed, and waited in the "gowned waiting area" for no more than 5 minutes. Not even enough time to find out whose twins Jennifer Garner was pregnant with! WARNING: What follows will be detailed, though not too graphic.

Then I went back to a room, where someone as…