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Tick, tick, tick

That is the sound of a clock ticking. Or perhaps my heart, but that might be more like a pounding.

My kid is going to be six this week, and for some reason that freaks me out.

My kid will be heading to first grade next week, and that fills me with worry and apprehension. This might have something do with my freaking out about Jordan turning six.

Not only do I not have a job, there are no prospects in sight.
And I still have no clue what I want to do anyway.

Oh, and people have really disappointed me lately.

I am feeling a little better about Jordan academically, since I wrote my last post. But I still worry about Jordan being in the cafeteria the first morning (I have to drop her off at the door and say good bye), meeting new people (there won't be any kids from her kindergarten class), focusing all day long, figuring out her lunch money, and carrying a tray. The list goes on and on. And these worries, as small as they probably seem to most of you, really, truly keep me up at night.

Then there is the job. Or lack thereof. I have applied to a few things and have heard nothing. And since I applied online to companies, I am not even sure whom I could follow up with. A consultant-type person emailed me over a week ago about a temporary position that I seemed pretty suited for. I did not like that it was far away, but I left this woman a message and then sent her a follow-up email the same day. And she never got back to me. If this job would have been permanent and closer to home, I probably would have called again. But what kind of person emails you about a job then does not bother to get back to you when you get in contact with her?

Perhaps the same type of people that drop their kids off at the mall play area, even though there are signs that clearly state that children must be supervised at all times. Today, almost every child there was without a parent. Worst of all, some woman left her toddler, who I doubt was even 2, while this woman went to a shoe store. I was practically willing this girl to run out of the play area, so when the mom returned, the girl would be gone. I considered grabbing her myself, but I am pretty sure I would have been arrested, not the idiot who is responsible for her.

I complained before about a friend whom I had a play date with, or so I thought, since we made the date via Facebook. After listening to people who suggested she might not have gotten my messages or did not consider it an actual date, I bit the bullet and emailed her. As it turns out, this woman just "forgot" to get back to me. She said we should make another date, but I decided to wait for her. Then a few weeks later, I run into her at a store, and during our 10-minute chat, she suggests a playdate Thursday or Friday of the following week and says we can work it out on Facebook. I, once again via Facebook, let her know I am free those days if she wants to get together, and, surprise, surprise, she never gets back to me. I am almost over it, but poor Jordan does not understand. She was at the store when this woman said we should get together the next week. So I tell Jordan that throughout life, people are going to let you down.

Well, tomorrow begins a new (work) week, so I will try to be hopeful for what lies ahead, including my baby's birthday and start of school. And I will try to drown out the ticking I keep hearing, without completely ignoring it.


Chris H said…
School will be OK -- really, it will. There was no more shy child than I was. I was the youngest of 7, very sheltered, very not used to doing things on my own. I made it (I don't even remember that my mother went with me -- I was a "walker" and probably just walked to school on my own.) Jordan will do great. You'll see!
Facie :-) said…
I know you are right, Chris. It is almost always worse for the (always worrying) parent!

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