I don't want to work

There. I said it. Right here in print (well, online). I don't want to work!

I have gotten too used to being off. Driving on an overpass over the Parkway East this morning and seeing all that traffic makes me dread having to join the masses again. I don't want to do it.

I don't want to have to get dressed up. I like my shorts, tees, and jeans too much. And I really hate curling my hair. I could get away with it at my last job, but maybe not with the next one.

I don't want to have to be around people who are not as dedicated as I was at my last job (all jobs, really). I never understood how people could not "care" as much as I did. At the same time, I also don't want to be around those who are so much smarter and better at things than I am. It is kind of a blow to the self-esteem and is taking a toll on my job search, this fear of failing, not being as good as others.

I want to be able to drop my kid off to school every morning. I want to be able to help her clean her boo-boo up, talk to her teacher, and wait with her, as I did today, without having to worry about being late for work. I want to volunteer at her school as much as I can. I also want to do other volunteer work, something I have rarely done since having Jordan. I want to be waiting for her as she runs out of school and give her a big hug as I did yesterday and not have her to go to extended care for hours until I am done with work. I want to hear about her day right away. I want to help her with homework when we get home. I want to be able to start dinner before 5 as I do now (okay, I don't really like the cooking part, but I have been doing it for months now).

I don't want to have to lie awake at night worrying about not finding a job, doing awful on an interview, screwing up once I get said job, running out of money, etc.

But I also want to be able to pay my all my bills, not have credit card debt, go out for meals, replace my AC/furnace, pay for my kid's tuition, take another vacation in the next few years, etc.

So I guess I better figure out a way to want to work. [Note to my older brother, who almost never reads my blog: This is why I would not tell a prospective employer about my blog.]


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