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High expectations or low people?

I like to think of myself as a pretty good friend overall, and most of my friends would probably agree, at least insofar as the effort I make to maintain the friendship. But lately, I am considering trimming a few friendship tree branches.

Over the last year or so, I had initiated a few (successful) play dates with a woman and her daughter who was in Jordan's class. Two weeks ago, I sent this woman, whom I now consider a friend, a note via Facebook to let her know Jordan and I would be at a certain park that weekend if she wanted to join us. She posted a comment on my "wall" saying they couldn't but that she did want to get together so how about the following week. We exchanged a few posts about dates, and the last post I sent was agreeing to the day she suggested. A few days later, the date came, and I called her house that morning to figure out when and where we should meet. I ended up leaving a message as she did not answer. An hour or so later, when I still had not heard back, I called her cell phone and left another message. Both said something like, "Hey, wanted to make sure we were still on for today. Call me to let me know."

Here it is, six days later, and she has yet to return my calls. For the first few days, I was genuinely concerned, thinking maybe something happened to one of her kids. But she has since been on Facebook, everything seemingly okay according to her status updates. So what gives?

A fellow blogger said that not everyone checks her voice mail every day, so I should give her the benefit of the doubt that maybe she did not get the message. I say that is a bunch of crap. I find it hard to believe you would check neither your home nor your cell phone in six days. This fellow blogger also said that it did not seem as if we made an official date via Facebook, since there was no phone call, with real, live talking. Again, I disagree. We posted several messages about dates until this friend picked a date and then I agreed. How is that not setting a date?

Part of me wants to call or email this woman, to see what happened and to be (what I consider) the better person. But a bigger part of me is growing tired of almost always being the one to make the effort. If this is how this person is, do I really want to be friends with her? I have done it with too many friends I have had for years. I am just not sure I have the heart to do it for someone I have known for less than two years.

It really feels like dating, the bad part. Sigh.

But I would love for any of you to tell me that my expectations are too high, that I care too much, that, no, we really did not make a date and/or everyone doesn't check voice mail weekly. Or something else. Really.


Anonymous said…
It does seem like you made a date. And even if she thought you did not the fact that you left her a message on two different phones and she has not called you back, I would be mad. Really what are the chances that someone does not check at least one of their phones or that both phones would die the same week?!!!!!

Unless you ask you will probably never know if she really did have a good excuse or if she does not want to be your friend (or her kid does not want to be your kid's friend) or that both phones died!

Then again, even if you talk to her you still might not know the answer. People aren't always truthful when it comes to things like this.
Mel said…
Trim the branch from the tree. Life's too short. Unless it's your kid's best friend, no need to put yourself through the anguish.
Facie :-) said…
As I said to another friend who shared her thoughts, I still might email her, just to see. She got me thinking that maybe the message on her phone got erased and she does not check her cell phone. But even if that is true, SHE still could have called ME to see what happened. Why do I always have to be the one to plan these things?!

You are right, Mel, about trimming the tree. But at the same time, over the last four to six years, I have discovered that I have only a very few friends that do not always leave it up to me to get together and keep in touch. I have learned to accept that all my other friends are just too busy, and/or just don't think it is important enough for them to initiate things, and/or just don't consider me a really good friend to do those things.

I am pretty okay with keeping those people in my lives, knowing what I am in for and accepting our relationship for as casual as it is.
Facie :-) said…
In my last sentence, I meant keeping people in my "life" not "lives." I am assuming I have only one earthly life (and even if not, I have only one life that I know about).

Also, Jordan really did consider this girl one of her best friends (top two for sure). But since they are not going to the same school in the fall, really no big deal. I will post back if I do end up emailing this woman.

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