Skip to main content

I hope I have not ruined her forever.

In more than one blog post, I have talked about my failings as a parent. I don't know how specific I have gotten. But one of my failings has really come to light lately. Well, I guess it is really two related things, which can be summed up with two phrases: too much and not enough

First of all, I do too much for my kid. I complain about and to J that she does little, but I never seem to follow through. For many years, she has taken her dishes to the kitchen after each meal, which was more than my brothers ever did when I was in charge of the dishes beginning in 4th grade (yes, I remember that). But that is usually where it ends. Then again, my hubby has trouble locating the dishwasher, so she may get it honestly (note that the hubby really does a lot of stuff; he just can't seem to open the dishwasher). Tonight I had her sweep the floor, and it was painful to watch. Which was exactly how it was when I asked her to do this a month ago. I guess I just don't have the patience to sit through that.

Getting up and ready on school days are even worse. I pretty much do everything for her, except for putting her clothes on and spoon-feeding her. I wake her up, pick out her clothes, get breakfast and put it away, put her lunch with cold pack in her backpack, feed the pets and take the dog out. Because we are so behind in the morning, most of the time I untie her shoes (which she leaves tied from the evening before) and then tie them once they are on because she is so slow about it.

Yes, I have created a dependent monster. But if I do not do those things, then I will never make a bus that gets me to work on time. Sigh. I know that just once I need to do everything. And, in fact, after I had snapped at her one of many times, one morning before Christmas, she told me she wanted to do everything on her own. And you know what? She did just that, which I just reminded her of just a few minutes ago. Why won't she do that more often? Well, I know why.

And in the (sort of but not really) opposite vein of my doing too much for her, here is where my other failing comes in: I have not made her do enough things. She has never been on a sports team, she has never taken dance lessons, and she has done very little social things. She takes piano lessons, but that is a solo thing. And she was in the church choir, but that fell by the wayside almost a year ago when other kids had sports to do, and J was one of a just a few kids left. In the past, I have forced her into things at the library as well as summer swim lessons, and those have worked out. But since I have been working, I have not been able to do anything like that. And now I am paying the price.

I got an email on Monday inviting staff/faculty, and their kids to a swimming/diving meet and swim clinic after. Swimming and diving are our favorite Olympic sports, so J thought that was pretty cool. But when I mentioned the clinic for the kids, her enthusiasm ended. She said she is too scared to do the clinic, particularly since I will be up in the stands. Fortunately, the woman in charge of registration was very understanding when I explained J's shyness. She told me if J ends up not doing it after the meet, that is fine. And she even asked me what she could do to help ease her nervousness. This woman is my new best friend!

If I were a betting woman, I would bet that we will go to the meet and leave. But maybe, just maybe, she will change her mind. In the meantime, I have no idea how to solve this dilemma. But if someone invents a time machine, I will definitely go back in time and make my kid do stuff!

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Worry

Lately, I have had some anxiety. I have been waking up within an hour of when I fall asleep (partially because my bladder has its own timetable). And then I lie awake, worrying about various things. Mostly I worry that I am failing as a parent. I worry that I allow my child to be disrespectful to me more than she should. I worry that I am not forcing my shy child to do more things. And I worry that the few things I am pushing her to do will make her resent me. I worry that she gets stressed about school. I worry that she is bothered because she does not have a lot of friends. I worry because I don't know why that is.

I worry that we will be stuck in our house in our bad school district, a place where we would not send our child to high school when she graduates in two years (two years!). Then I worry that our somewhat introverted child will have to go to cyber school. Because there is just no way that we could afford to send her to Catholic high school, for which tuition is curren…

Why I am an "Other"

Last month while I was getting my driver's license picture taken, I tried to change my political party affiliation. For whatever reason, my choices were Democrat, Republican, Other, and None. But first, how I got there.

I registered as a Democrat when I first registered to vote, just before the '92 election. At that time, I was "kind of" liberal (for growing up in a somewhat rural area in western PA), and pretty much all of my relatives were registered that way, so it made sense. I was not really into politics at that young age, however.

As I got into my late 20s, I started to realize I was becoming more conservative, so a few years later, when it was time to renew my driver's license, I changed to Republican. I still remember the day at work when I told my coworker Anne that I was really a Republican. She told me she had known it for years. During the 2008 election, I was on board with John McCain running for president, mostly because I thought he was a good pe…

My first and hopefully my last biposy (or I would rather be at the beach)

This past Monday afternoon I had my biopsy. Up until Sunday night, I was not worried. In fact, I was never really concerned about having cancer; it was the needle part that bothered me. As it turns out, there is more than a needle; there is an actual incision. So it was not surprising that I only got a few hours of sleep. But on a positive note, I cruised right down the Parkway that morning, being the Monday before the 4th, so there was that.

I got there at the prescribed 30 minutes ahead of time; in fact, it was probably close to 35 minutes! I had to wait about 10 minutes, during which I could feel my seat vibrate (still not sure about that; I was tired but I don't think I was imaging it). Then I went back, changed, and waited in the "gowned waiting area" for no more than 5 minutes. Not even enough time to find out whose twins Jennifer Garner was pregnant with! WARNING: What follows will be detailed, though not too graphic.

Then I went back to a room, where someone as…