Skip to main content


I am considering taking a break (again) from blogging. As I have lamented about before, I don't feel as if I can say everything I want to for various reasons (even though there are some things I really want to say and almost need to). I also am not sure too many people are reading the blog anyway (I hardly think the referring sites that I have never heard of and quite obviously seem to be spam really count). I have never wanted or needed a big following, but when only a handful of people comment on and/or send me an email about a post and I can't get off my chest what I really want to, I am not sure there is much of a point. Besides, it is not as if I have been writing often or about much anyway.

So I guess I will leave you with what is happening now, some of it, unfortunately, not without angst (at a level I am willing to share).

I have adjusted fairly well to working again, but I am not sure my kid has. She has been very moody and sassy lately. I have not done well in punishing her, due mostly to the guilt I feel for not being around much, so, as you can imagine, things are not getting better in that area. She insists, between the rudeness and the crying, that she is okay with my working and things are okay at school (for the most part, definitely will not get into that here). But when your kid seems so different, how can you believe that? Not sure what to do about that, but I do fret about it. A lot.

And speaking of guilt, the kid cried because I was the only parent (besides one other one, so I was not the only parent!) who was not there when she and some others sang in the choir for a school mass a few weeks ago. It did not matter that I had missed only one mass in 3-3/4 years prior to that. As she told me, this was the first time she was actually singing at church all by herself, and I was not there to see it. Sigh.

And I guess between lack of sleep and being busy at work, I have not been on top of everything. I sent the kid to school in shorts and a t-shirt Friday (with a dress-down coupon in hand). They had a half day of school, so I figured why not have the kid be comfortable for hours at after-school care. But when I got home from work, the first thing she said to me was that they had mass that morning and they are not supposed to dress down when there is mass. Unfortunately, since I no longer go to church with the kids, I have not paid attention to the Fridays when they had mass. Sigh. Again.

I won't even get into all the little school-related things I have forgotten over the past 1.5 months, the things that I always took care of and forgot to tell the hubby that he would now need to worry about. Fortunately, his memory is the exact opposite of mine, so once he knows about something, he will never forget it. He and the kid have their after-school routine down to a well-oiled machine.

I am trying my best to remember how I did it all the last time I worked, but the reality is that we are not in the same place we were over four years ago. A kindergartner does not have the same needs as a fourth grader. Plus I had that Wednesday off and PTO time to take care of things. And back then, I felt just fine when I worked late two days a week and the kid and hubby got to enjoy dinner in front of the TV. I have gotten so used to our eating dinner together every night that I am practically in tears when I have to text the hubby to tell him I am working late so not to wait for me to eat (and I am not sad just because I am missing out on a hot meal!). I work with someone who has two jobs and has worked for over 50 days straight. She told me she has to do that, in order to pay her mortgage. And I know many people are in her position. But that seems to be such a sad place to be in. You need a work-life balance. And if you think this life is all you get, as many people do, then it seems doubly sad to live this way.

I am not in a bad place (and I have no idea if this post makes it seem as if I am, particularly considering I left a lot of things out). I am really trying to focus on the many good things and blessings I have in my life. Whether it is the beautiful weather we have been having, the Pens playoff wins lately (and just that we have Sidney Crosby on our team makes me so happy), my kid doing pretty well in school (and actually caring about it), my family and relatives in general, the fact that I have a steady income, or just general health (and that my thighs are fairly solid, thanks to 660 steps I go up and down five days a week); I know there are many things for me to be thankful (and I am certain many are tired of hearing someone with a job complain). But I guess I just need to figure things out. Or maybe I just need to find more things to put into my "Good Stuff" box (or whatever that thing is called, which I have been neglecting).

Not sure when I will be back. But until then, carry on.

And, of course, let's go Pens!


LaLa said…
You've got to cut yourself a break. It's not like you have been complaining about your job adjustment for months and months. Ya just started! I don't think of you as really negative. Some blogs are so depressing and other blogs just brag about their wonderful lives/wonderful children. Yours is neither and I thank you for that! I admire you and others who do this. No way I would put my self out there.

Good luck with it all. I will miss you if you take a break!! I will be here waiting for you. :)
bluzdude said…
You have something you can't put on your blog? Two words... Guest Post!

I'd be happy to host anything you want to put out there.

Meanwhile, I'll also be waiting for you to come back. The blogosphere will be dimmer without you in it.
Facie said…
Thanks, LaLa and Bluz. It is nice to be missed. I guess I came back sooner than I thought.

LaLa: Thanks for wanting to cut me some slack.

Bluz: I may just take you up on the guest post idea.

Popular posts from this blog


Lately, I have had some anxiety. I have been waking up within an hour of when I fall asleep (partially because my bladder has its own timetable). And then I lie awake, worrying about various things. Mostly I worry that I am failing as a parent. I worry that I allow my child to be disrespectful to me more than she should. I worry that I am not forcing my shy child to do more things. And I worry that the few things I am pushing her to do will make her resent me. I worry that she gets stressed about school. I worry that she is bothered because she does not have a lot of friends. I worry because I don't know why that is.

I worry that we will be stuck in our house in our bad school district, a place where we would not send our child to high school when she graduates in two years (two years!). Then I worry that our somewhat introverted child will have to go to cyber school. Because there is just no way that we could afford to send her to Catholic high school, for which tuition is curren…

My first and hopefully my last biposy (or I would rather be at the beach)

This past Monday afternoon I had my biopsy. Up until Sunday night, I was not worried. In fact, I was never really concerned about having cancer; it was the needle part that bothered me. As it turns out, there is more than a needle; there is an actual incision. So it was not surprising that I only got a few hours of sleep. But on a positive note, I cruised right down the Parkway that morning, being the Monday before the 4th, so there was that.

I got there at the prescribed 30 minutes ahead of time; in fact, it was probably close to 35 minutes! I had to wait about 10 minutes, during which I could feel my seat vibrate (still not sure about that; I was tired but I don't think I was imaging it). Then I went back, changed, and waited in the "gowned waiting area" for no more than 5 minutes. Not even enough time to find out whose twins Jennifer Garner was pregnant with! WARNING: What follows will be detailed, though not too graphic.

Then I went back to a room, where someone as…

Why I am an "Other"

Last month while I was getting my driver's license picture taken, I tried to change my political party affiliation. For whatever reason, my choices were Democrat, Republican, Other, and None. But first, how I got there.

I registered as a Democrat when I first registered to vote, just before the '92 election. At that time, I was "kind of" liberal (for growing up in a somewhat rural area in western PA), and pretty much all of my relatives were registered that way, so it made sense. I was not really into politics at that young age, however.

As I got into my late 20s, I started to realize I was becoming more conservative, so a few years later, when it was time to renew my driver's license, I changed to Republican. I still remember the day at work when I told my coworker Anne that I was really a Republican. She told me she had known it for years. During the 2008 election, I was on board with John McCain running for president, mostly because I thought he was a good pe…