Skip to main content

If it weren't for the thinking part, I could better handle insomnia.

I started getting occasional bouts of insomnia when the kid was a baby. I don't recall how often my sleepless nights would occur back then, though I very vividly remember one fall night when I got up to do work. But for the past few years, I would say I have had trouble sleeping anywhere from a dozen to several dozen times a year. Typically it is stress-related, but not always.

This latest wave began when I was offered the job for which I have now completed my first month. It was really bad the week before my job started and the first week of, but it has settled down since. Unfortunately, I still cannot seem to go more than four or five days without getting only a few hours of sleep in one night.

The good news is that because I have been quite busy at work I don't really notice how tired I am. Surprisingly (and I hope I am not jinxing myself or tempting fate by saying this) I still can manage to react quickly in traffic, something I have to do pretty often. But there are times the exhaustion hits me like a ton of bricks, typically when I am sitting and doing nothing, which is pretty rare these days.

But I think even worse than my being tired yet unable to fall back asleep is that while I am lying awake, I just can't seem to shut my mind off. Although I suppose that is a big part of what insomnia is about... Tonight's/this morning's thoughts have included the $$$$ car bill we were just hit with (and the hubby's talk about getting a replacement vehicle), guilt from not sending my SIL the card I bought her for her 40th birthday, feeling bad about having to give up choir because I have had to work late on practice evenings (and feeling worse that my choir director does not seem to care), worrying about the economy and my hubby's job (which he is so unhappy about), feeling sad that my kid will have to get up early this summer because she will be in some type of daycare (and not knowing exactly where she will be this summer), worrying about my kid in general, and fretting about messing up or forgetting something at my job. Even the Penguins have entered my consciousness because what if they don't go deep into the playoffs?! To think that hockey could be done in a week or two seriously concerns me (though I really do feel as if the Pens will go far and hopefully all the way).

I have covered a lot of ground in the past few hours, since I work up around 1:30 a.m. (and that does not even include my drifting in and out of sleep for the three hours prior to that)! If someone out there has any suggestions for what I can do to help myself fall back asleep when I wake up, I would love to hear them. I am guessing blogging is not going to be on that list, but I will let you know later how that worked out. :-)

Good night. Or, rather, good morning. The under two hours until my alarm goes off is going to come pretty fast, I am guessing...


Jessica R. said…
And why is it that all our worries and problems feel so much worse in the middle of the night?
bluzdude said…
I don’t usually have much trouble with going to or staying asleep, but it happens occasionally. Usually, it’s triggered by current or upcoming events that have me stressed out, like something going on at work, health problems, or imminent travel. Wrapping your brain around your current problems makes prolonged wakefulness a lock.

The best thing I can recommend is anything that will turn your brain off, or at least divert it to something benign. I usually try to dwell on reliving happy memories from the past, or formulating some kind of new fanciful event. I like to imagine myself owning some kind of musical talent and performing (and totally killing) on stage.

In your case, maybe try imagining some kind of vocal showcase for your singing. Imagine how you’d sing the songs and the corresponding reactions from the crowd. Work out your “set list,” and what you’d do on stage.

Ultimately, it’s all just a trick to get your mind off the day to day hamster wheel problems that can keep you spinning all night long.

Popular posts from this blog


Lately, I have had some anxiety. I have been waking up within an hour of when I fall asleep (partially because my bladder has its own timetable). And then I lie awake, worrying about various things. Mostly I worry that I am failing as a parent. I worry that I allow my child to be disrespectful to me more than she should. I worry that I am not forcing my shy child to do more things. And I worry that the few things I am pushing her to do will make her resent me. I worry that she gets stressed about school. I worry that she is bothered because she does not have a lot of friends. I worry because I don't know why that is.

I worry that we will be stuck in our house in our bad school district, a place where we would not send our child to high school when she graduates in two years (two years!). Then I worry that our somewhat introverted child will have to go to cyber school. Because there is just no way that we could afford to send her to Catholic high school, for which tuition is curren…

My first and hopefully my last biposy (or I would rather be at the beach)

This past Monday afternoon I had my biopsy. Up until Sunday night, I was not worried. In fact, I was never really concerned about having cancer; it was the needle part that bothered me. As it turns out, there is more than a needle; there is an actual incision. So it was not surprising that I only got a few hours of sleep. But on a positive note, I cruised right down the Parkway that morning, being the Monday before the 4th, so there was that.

I got there at the prescribed 30 minutes ahead of time; in fact, it was probably close to 35 minutes! I had to wait about 10 minutes, during which I could feel my seat vibrate (still not sure about that; I was tired but I don't think I was imaging it). Then I went back, changed, and waited in the "gowned waiting area" for no more than 5 minutes. Not even enough time to find out whose twins Jennifer Garner was pregnant with! WARNING: What follows will be detailed, though not too graphic.

Then I went back to a room, where someone as…

Why I am an "Other"

Last month while I was getting my driver's license picture taken, I tried to change my political party affiliation. For whatever reason, my choices were Democrat, Republican, Other, and None. But first, how I got there.

I registered as a Democrat when I first registered to vote, just before the '92 election. At that time, I was "kind of" liberal (for growing up in a somewhat rural area in western PA), and pretty much all of my relatives were registered that way, so it made sense. I was not really into politics at that young age, however.

As I got into my late 20s, I started to realize I was becoming more conservative, so a few years later, when it was time to renew my driver's license, I changed to Republican. I still remember the day at work when I told my coworker Anne that I was really a Republican. She told me she had known it for years. During the 2008 election, I was on board with John McCain running for president, mostly because I thought he was a good pe…