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What I would really like to say

I am not big on confrontation. Sure, if I really told some people what I thought about them, particularly when they are speaking their mind to me, I might feel better. But probably only temporarily. I am much more about keeping the peace and turning the other cheek.

But just once, here are some of the things I would like to say to people who ask me why I have only one child:

  • I don't ask you why you are fat, so how about not asking me why I have only one kid. Yours might be due to a medical condition, just as mine could be. Why assume otherwise?And if not, you may like to overeat, and I may prefer the benefits of having one kid. To each his own.
  • I don't ask you how many people you have slept with or why you are so rude, so how about not asking me such a forward, personal question.
  • You seem to have trouble with the kids you already have, so why would I want to risk putting myself in the same situation? You are often asking people to watch your kids so you can go out and have fun. You seem to be incapable of cleaning up after your kids and you expect everyone else to do it for you. You are never on time for anything. You complain about how expensive it is to have kids. How exactly is this a ringing endorsement for more kids?
  • Why would you have multiple kids only to ignore them and let them run around various places? And just because I have only one kid to watch does not mean I should keep an eye on one or two of yours as well. Did you ever think I had one kid because that is all I can handle?

I am not talking about any one person here, and I am not suggesting that all parents of more than one child have done these things and/or should have had only one kid. Rather, above is an amalgamation of what I have encountered over the past few years from various people who have asked me how I could have just one child.

Anyone who reads this blog and/or is friends with me knows that I have struggled with the decision to have only one child. There are a number of factors why Jordan is an only child. Regardless, God has truly blessed me with her. I wish more people could understand that. Or at least keep their comments to themselves.

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Anonymous said…
Lynnette says: Right on, Facie! Although I must admit, i don't get asked that question very often. It's kind of rude and presumptuous to ask, and it's really rude to make us feel like we're doing something wrong by having only one child. Like you said, to each his own.
October 27, 2009 at 11:05 AM
Sherri said…
I was a single mother for a long time. My oldest is from a previous relationship and... though my current hubby was in our lives pretty early (my daughter was 2), it was just the 3 of us for a long time. I have 4 now - 3 of them age 5 and under (my oldest is now 13), and... it is a COMPLETELY different experience. I LOVED my one on one time with my oldest; we have a very special, unusual, "wouldn't trade it for the world" relationship as a result. Wouldn't trade my others in either, obviously ;-), but... just sayin'. Enjoy! Ignore what others say (I know it's hard sometimes).
October 27, 2009 at 12:51 PM
Jen said…
You had me at, "I don't ask you why you are fat, so how about not asking me why I have only one kid". Hehehehe. Seriously, to each their own.
October 27, 2009 at 10:21 PM
Facie said…
Thanks for your comments, ladies. As I said to another friend, I am so open that people probably feel that they can and should, in turn, say anything to me. But a few people would probably say something rude or inappropriate regardless!

When I was 21 or 22 (and having fun was my priority), I asked a cousin (we were not very close) when she and her husband were going to have kids. The tongue-lashing I got was something. I had no idea what I was saying would set her off. Ever since then, I try to keep my comments and questions about kids to myself, unless the person is a very good friend.
October 29, 2009 at 8:35 PM
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