Skip to main content

No easy answers

As of late, some troubling, disturbing, sad, tragic, and altogether unexplainable events have occurred in and around the Burgh. The reaction to these things has leaned more towards the vengeful side; there is a dearth of empathy, if hundreds of Facebook comments are any indication. And I, like so many others, want answers.

But I just don't think there are any easy ones.

Last week a seemingly "normal" mother drowned two of her kids. This mother lived on the same street as two families I know (one very well). A street I have been on numerous times. A street that has block parties and goes Christmas caroling. Although I did not know this woman, according to my friends, she seemed to be a typical, loving parent, who appeared to be that very way while they were waiting for the school bus the morning it happened. It can be really hard to reconcile what you know with what really is. And for someone like me, who is very non-judgmental and who hopes never to be on a jury, I struggle mightily with something like this. Yet unlike a lot of people, I don't believe in an eye for an eye. Yes, what she did is so wrong, but obviously something is so wrong with her. 

Then you have the 16-year-old kid, who could easily pass for 14, who stabbed over 20 people. Whether or not he was bullied does not excuse his actions, but if he was, a lot of people, children and adults, should really do some soul-searching. Yet I also don't feel he should be stabbed by each of those people, as some have suggested. (Note that as a parent, I do NOT fault any parents of the stabbing victims who feel this way. As non-violent and anti-revenge as I am, I am guessing that my forgiving nature would disappear.)

I think our mental health system is sorely lacking. But there are so many factors at play. There is the stigma. The cost. Access. Time. Pride. Lack of professionals. Fear of someone finding out. The unknowns about medication. People's unwillingness to open up. The complexity of the human brain. It is so easy to say that these people should have gotten get help, but did you read what I just wrote?!

People say that mental illness is an excuse, that the lawyers will use it to help their clients avoid jail time. But clearly something was not right in both of the above cases. What makes one mother with postpartum depression somehow cope, but another snap? What makes one kid who was bullied or ostracized live with it for years and eventually "move on" and another go on a rampage? If the extremely educated, well-studied people don't know, why does John Q. Public think he does?!

A friend's father has to be on medication for the rest of his life in order to stay "normal." Years ago the dad threatened to kill himself and his family; it was a nightmarish scene, though I don't know or remember all the details. I do know if you knew this guy, you would never believe that could happen. But I can guarantee that we all know someone who is on medication. But what works for one person does not work for another. And, well, see my above point about all the reasons why people don't just see a psychiatrist. Plus, just a hunch here, but I am pretty sure you don't just walk in one morning and then walk out sunshine and lollipops an hour later.

Just today at another local school, parents found a hit list in their kid's room, and they notified the school. Reaction to that was varied as well. Some praised the parents, whereas others thought it was no big deal. Me? I think parenting (or lack thereof) is a big factor in violence in younger people, so I applaud their taking it seriously. Yet how many times do people take it too far the other way? A six-year-old points his pencil at another student and says, "Bang," so we better suspend him. Sigh. Did that mother accidentally run over her kids a few years ago, or was that the first sign of a problem? I DON'T KNOW. And neither do you.

Clearly I am meandering in this post. But one thing I do know for sure: We can all stand to be a little kinder, more inclusive and sympathetic and a little less judgmental. Don't you think?

Comments

bluzdude said…
We are a population who vastly over-estimates our expertise on, well, everything, and the Internet gives us a megaphone. No wonder there's so much noise, and so little empathy.

Thank you for trying to fill the role of Voice of Reason.
Facie said…
Yep. I am sick of all the commentors, yet I read a lot of what they write, so I am not much better.

I almost commented on one of the news FB pages when people were talking about an 11-year-old girl who brought in two knives to school this week. Many blamed the media, saying it was a copy-cat thing. I would normally agree, but this happened before the FR thing. So there is just more unexplainable things. No idea why an 11-year-old is on social media (where it started). But, yeah, once again, the problem with social media.

Sigh.

Again

Popular posts from this blog

What a year 2021 has been (Day 7)

I have almost no words for what happened yesterday at the Capitol. Protesting is one thing (though I truly think it is and has been time to move on). But to storm the Capitol? A friend on Facebook said, quite simply, " Almost 20 years ago a group of people on an airplane sacrificed themselves to protect the Capitol. How far we have fallen!" Indeed. And, yes, it IS storming the Capitol. I have seen numerous videos of people knocking down barricades/fences, pushing police officers, and breaking windows and climbing through them. That is beyond protesting. And even if a protestor did not do those things, if they followed those seditionists past those barricades and into the building, they are just as guilty. I did not support the violent protests this summer that resulted in damages to businesses and public property (I was in full support of the actual protests). But I also acknowledged as a white person, I cannot truly put myself in the position of a black person who is angry a

Melancholy and Gratitude

 A few days ago, I decided to do gratitude posts on FB. I was good the first two days. Day 3 I got a little snarky as I posted about "doing the right thing" in regards to Covid. The Covid cases in Allegheny County have been on the rise. For a while, we had daily counts between 50 and 100. After July 4, we saw a spike for a few weeks, and then cases were back below 100. Unfortunately, other than one "low" day this week, where "only" 288 cases were reported, we have had between 500 and 620 daily cases. Fortunately, only a few people have died this week. But of course, any death is too many. I started to keep track of cases, deaths, and hospitalizations on 6/12/20. On that day, since 3/12, Allegheny County had had 2,034 cases, 352 people had been hospitalized, and 172 people had died. On 11/19/20, the county has seen a total of 22,042 cases, 1,724 people have been hospitalized, and 465 people have died from Covid since 3/12. In just over 8 months, we have had

Hug your loved ones!

I hate to say that I am still working through my grief. I mean, in some ways I can imagine I will always be grieving. But I feel pretty confident it will get easier, and I will cry less and less. But, yeah, I guess I am still working through it. Yesterday, a thought occurred to me: I had not hugged my dad since the end of February, and that will now be the last time I ever did. I did not see him for almost three months because of COVID, and then at the end of May, he started his series of hospital visits with skilled nursing stints in between. I was always afraid to hug him then. What if I gave him COVID? And yet when my dad had really bad ICU delirium during a few different hospital stays, I fed him. If I could do that, why not hug him? So I cried a bit last night thinking about that. I am not necessarily a big hugger; I used to hate it, and then probably before Jordan was born, I got back to doing it again. Before COVID, I hugged my friends goodbye (and sometimes hello). I always wou