Friday, December 30, 2011

Counting minutes, not moments

I wish I could subscribe to the quality, not quantity theory, but for whatever reason, I don't. I'd like to blame it on Catholic guilt, because that is convenient. I could also blame it on some people who make me feel guilty, but I suppose I can choose not to feel guilty. But there are few people who make me feel as guilty as I make myself at times. Regardless of whose "fault" it is, I would be nice and healthy if I could care more about what I am doing and living in that moment and care less about counting every single minute and worrying it is not enough.

I had a nice Christmas break, and it is not even over yet. I managed to spend a good bit of time with my older brother and his family, which is nice because they live about nine driving hours away. I also got in extra time with my mom, hanging out with her briefly just a week before Christmas, spending two nights a few days later, and then spending time with her and the bro/family the latter part of this week. Last year at this time, I never would have thought this would have been possible. In addition, I spent time with extended family and my in-laws. And I even managed to spend a few hours this afternoon with my little pilot brother, who is in town for about 20 hours until his next flight.

Yet when it comes to my family, no matter how often I see them or how many hours I spend with them, it is almost never enough for me.

As I was driving home late this morning, after having spent three nights at my mom's with Jordan (and without Brian and Sadie), I felt sad. As if I should have stayed a few more hours. I have no idea why I felt his way; it is not as if I don't spend a lot of time with my mom, more than most people who live about 45 miles from their parents, I would think.

Then, several hours later, after I had spent a couple hours with my little brother and was driving away, I felt a similar feeling. Even though he lives halfway across the country, I see him more than most would see their siblings. I will probably see him again in a month or two, and I just saw him at Thanksgiving at least two other times this year anyway. So why I am so focused on the minutes?!

Brian does not get it, and, obviously, neither do I. But if I have any intentions of making a resolution, which I have not in years, I think it would be to count moments, not minutes. Sounds pretty good to me.

Wish me luck!

6 comments:

chris h. said...

"Yet when it comes to my family, no matter how often I see them or how many hours I spend with them, it is almost never enough for me."

That is a really lovely sentiment, Facie, and I feel the same way. Lots of people don't have that in their lives, so it's a real blessing. (Something else for both of us to count in the new year.)

Facie said...

Chris: I suppose I never looked at it quite that way, although I guess I try to make myself feel less guilty about ignoring friends for family with a similar sentiment. After last fall, with my mom being sick, I would rather choose her over most other things.

Here's to family blessings!

LaLa said...

I agree with Chris. Some people do not get along with their family so you are lucky in that respect so you might as well take advantage of the time you have. From what I can tell of you it seems like you do spend a good bit of time with family so try not to feel guilty just because you think you are not spending enough time.

Facie said...

Thanks, LaLa. But what is weird to me is I know people who spend so much less time with their family than I do, and a lot of times it is just because they would rather go on vacation or do anything else, really. And I am pretty sure those people don't feel the guilt that I do.

Sherri said...

Happy New Year! Like the new look, btw.

Facie said...

Sherri: Thanks. I like to change it up every few months. So what happened to project 2011?! Miss your blog!