I wish I could subscribe to the quality, not quantity theory, but for whatever reason, I don't. I'd like to blame it on Catholic guilt, because that is convenient. I could also blame it on some people who make me feel guilty, but I suppose I can choose not to feel guilty. But there are few people who make me feel as guilty as I make myself at times. Regardless of whose "fault" it is, I would be nice and healthy if I could care more about what I am doing and living in that moment and care less about counting every single minute and worrying it is not enough.
I had a nice Christmas break, and it is not even over yet. I managed to spend a good bit of time with my older brother and his family, which is nice because they live about nine driving hours away. I also got in extra time with my mom, hanging out with her briefly just a week before Christmas, spending two nights a few days later, and then spending time with her and the bro/family the latter part of this week. Last year at this time, I never would have thought this would have been possible. In addition, I spent time with extended family and my in-laws. And I even managed to spend a few hours this afternoon with my little pilot brother, who is in town for about 20 hours until his next flight.
Yet when it comes to my family, no matter how often I see them or how many hours I spend with them, it is almost never enough for me.
As I was driving home late this morning, after having spent three nights at my mom's with Jordan (and without Brian and Sadie), I felt sad. As if I should have stayed a few more hours. I have no idea why I felt his way; it is not as if I don't spend a lot of time with my mom, more than most people who live about 45 miles from their parents, I would think.
Then, several hours later, after I had spent a couple hours with my little brother and was driving away, I felt a similar feeling. Even though he lives halfway across the country, I see him more than most would see their siblings. I will probably see him again in a month or two, and I just saw him at Thanksgiving at least two other times this year anyway. So why I am so focused on the minutes?!
Brian does not get it, and, obviously, neither do I. But if I have any intentions of making a resolution, which I have not in years, I think it would be to count moments, not minutes. Sounds pretty good to me.
Wish me luck!