Eye has not seen

I sometimes worry my kid will grow up and not care about church or God (or at the very least, never make it through mass without moving around, complaining, or asking me when church is going to be over). I am trying to remember what it was like for me at her age, and I think I believed in God even at 3, though I cannot imagine how that is possible. Around that time, my father's grandmother Sittu died, and ever since , when I think of heaven, I think of Sittu up in the sky (actually, I think she is lying down), looking down at all of us. That image of heaven has served me well all these years. In my heaven, you are able to see everyone you love, but you are not actually with them, and somehow that is okay; you don't need or want to. This view would work nicely for a widow or widower who has since remarried. That person may be wondering whom he or she will end up with in heaven (and years ago someone told me he had this very worry). And the answer is both, at least insofar as you can see them.

When I think of God, I also have a person in mind, Fr. Mack from my childhood parish. I cannot remember how old I was when he was the priest at our church, but when he came back years later, looking much older, my God still looked like young Fr. Mack. Yet for all my ideas when I was young, I don't think at four and a half Jordan has a real sense of God or heaven. She has never asked me what God looks like or where Heaven is. I am sure this is mostly (or maybe entirely) because she does not attend church every Sunday and I tend to talk to her about God or church only when we pray at night. Yet, every once in awhile, when I feel as if I am failing in my Christian/Catholic duty, she will surprise me by saying something that makes me think she is getting some of it.

When we were leaving the country club after Easter, Jordan asked if God made the flags that were flying. I told her that a human made the flag, but it was because of God, because he made things needed for the flag. Then she went on to ask me if God made about a half dozen other things, and my answers were mostly the same. Yesterday, on the way home from a party, we passed some type of Asian church, and outside, some man was praying before a statue of a woman. I pointed this out to Jordan, and she asked why he was praying then. I told her that just as we pray at night, some people pray in the morning, some pray several times a day, some do it at home, and others go to churches, that God likes when we pray. Then she said, "Jonah did not listen to God or pray, and that is why he was swallowed by the whale." She said this again today during the children's liturgy at church, even though nothing else that the readers said seemed to register with her.

Just as Jordan's being four has been a lot better (knock on wood) than Jordan at three or two, perhaps her disdain of church will lessen, and she will start to pay attention a little more. I know I need to do a better job. But anyone who knows me well knows that I have issues with some aspects of my religion (though to be fair, I am not even sure I know any Catholics who have followed every rule without fail), so this won't be easy for me. So I guess in the meantime, I will just try to have faith and hope she grows into her faith (but hoping for some divine intervention probably cannot hurt).


Mel said…
Divine intervention never hurt anyone, child or adult. And thankfully (or should I say frighteningly?) those little ears and eyes pick up more than we could imagine. Good AND bad, unfortunately.

Sounds like you are trying to incorporate God into her life on a daily basis, Facie, and that's tough and very good to do. Keep on keeping on; as long as we remember to do everything we tell the little people to do, then we should be in pretty good shape. ; )

p.s. I skipped my 20-year reunion. once a slacker, always a slacker, right? actually, it was just b/c I didn't want to embarrass all those old classmates of mine. tee hee, wink wink!
Facie :-) said…
Thanks for the comments, Mel. I really do try to set a good example (although just last week, I referred to some guy who cut me off in traffic as a poophead). Part of what makes it hard is seeing so many other good kids at church who don't appear to be begging to go home or the kids who are probably Jordan's age yet they seem to really get the bible stories.

Hope Marcus is feeling better!
Blossom said…
You are a good mom.

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