Facie’s Ramblings

Last week sucked. No other way to say it. It started off on Sunday morning with my making Texas chili (cooking is a rare event for me), and a couple hours later my hands felt as if they were on fire, thanks to my cutting jalapeno peppers (I guess it was a delayed effect). I tried several different things, including alcohol, lemon juice, and milk, multiple times. After several hours of intense pain, I think the apple cider vinegar finally did the trick; I was fortunately able to fall asleep to just slight heat in my hands. Lesson learned: wear gloves when cutting up hot peppers (note that hub is able to cut peppers with no ill effects). But that was just a warm up (not pun intended). My left heel continued to hurt with every step I took, and fortunately, because of the craptastic weather (another reason for my January hatred) and people cancelling their appointments, the podiatrist was able to see me Tuesday afternoon. The result of that $40 copay: plantar fasciitis. The doc gave my f...

I used to blog pretty frequently. I think I stopped when I went back to work FT; it just became too much. I never had a big following, but a handful of people read my posts, and then another handful of people who would stop by on occasion. A few of those I consider(ed) friends. Now, since I barely write (and because, quite frankly, my topics are not terribly interesting and I am not a gifted writer), hardly anyone comes to visit, but that is fine. Preferable for this post, really. And here I go! I have heterogeneously dense breasts. And although I can't quite recall what that means, it does seem to make my mammograms show things that may or may not be troublesome. Usually the latter. Something showed up a few years ago, but once I had a follow-up mammogram along with an ultrasound, I was deemed fine. Last year, no issues; I went in one time for both and I was done. This year, however, was a different story. A few days after I went in, I was told that something showed up in th...

At this very moment in my life, I feel okay. Overall, I am a pretty positive, optimistic person. When I get down, it rarely last more than a couple of hours. Even when someone does me wrong, depending on the person, I am usually over it within an hour (my kid) or a few hours or a half a day (the hubby) or a day or so (coworker or friend). I used to hold grudges much longer. But life is short, and I have learned to let things go. But lately, I have these days, sometimes fortunately only half days, where I feel overcome. This usually happens to me as I am lying awake at night, fretting about something. Mostly it is my kid and various things around that, not the least of which is her going to high school in the fall a bit of a distance from our house. I fret about my job, which is not stable. I fret about the husband's unemployment. After more than a half year without work, he finally starts a job in two weeks, but that brings with it some different anxieties. I fret about my variou...

A few things have been weighing on my mind lately. Most notable has been the hub's job. The company he has worked for for more than 7 years has not been doing well for, well, years. Paychecks have been late for at least a year or two. His salary was cut long before that, never to be brought back. And, even though the economy is better than it was earlier this decade, it still is not great, thus keeping the hubs at that job. Still, we both knew the biggest advantage of his job was that he got to work from home. Being able to get out of bed just before your starting time, particularly when you are not a morning person, is pretty great. Not having to sit in traffic most days, also pretty great. And being able to take a late lunch so you can get your kid from school and bring her back home, saving on after-school care, also pretty darn good. J will be 13 at the end of the summer. We had decided that we were going to transition her to staying by herself by letting her do that 2 or 3 d...

Another month has passed without my blogging. I (sometimes) long for the days when I would blog several times  a week. I am just in a weird place now, and I am not sure blogging will help. Plus with the rather boring life I lead, there really is not much to say. But I will try to say a few things that are on my mind. The Steelers are the playoffs! I used to be so excited by that. And I am still a little. I will certainly be watching the game. I am wearing my Hines jersey as we speak. But I no longer get really worked up by a game. I don't cry when my team loses a big game. I no longer post a lot about the Steelers as I used to on Facebook and a little on here. This season is the second in a row I did not go to a single game, which is now my longest streak. My family got season tickets when I was in high school (can't remember when). I went to a game or two a year then. In college, I probably went to only one per year. Once I graduated and up until I had Jordan 10 years later,...

My friend Mel wrote a post that resonated with me. I must take a trip back over there and comment on it. Because I so get it. I am a fretter (and, spell-check, I don't care if you don't think that is a word). I worry. I ponder. I worry some more. I often wait for the other shoe to drop, as she said. But even though sometimes anxiety gets the best of me, I still continue to be a fairly optimistic person. I try to see the bright side. I count my blessings often. I take pleasure in little things, and I take pleasure in meaningless things. But whatever puts a smile on your face, so long as it is not a detriment to yourself and others, well, it can't be all that bad. As I have posted about a handful of times, Phipps is my happy place. As I have also said a number of times, it was the best $75 I spent almost two years ago, and was again one of the best uses of $75 this past January (or maybe December) when I renewed. I purchased a dual membership, which has allowed me to ta...

For not the first, second, or third time, I have started a blog post and never finished it. In fact, since I have started this blog, I have begun 42 blog posts that I never completed. Probably half of them were pretty well formed, but either I could not pull the trigger (I felt I was sharing too much) or I just could not bring myself to finish it, for various reasons, including time, forgetfulness, or boredom with the subject. This will not be draft 43! As I have lamented here a couple of times in the past few years, I miss writing a regular blog post. It was therapeutic to get things out there, because I am fond of myself (mostly), I like sharing my opinion, and it was (or will be) great for my less-than-stellar memory. But I just don't have too many worthwhile things to say anymore. Mostly because I lead a pretty boring life. But also because I vacillate about too many things, which comes from being a liberal republican, if there is such a thing. A few things have been weig...

J will be 12 in just over a week. We decided now was a good time to get her a cell phone. The vast majority of kids in her class have a phone; some have had one for years. J never needed one until this past school year, when she joined the drama club, which sometimes resulted in play practices being cancelled, added, or ending early or late. During those occasions, she had to borrow someone else's phone, which was not so convenient, to text the hubby, who, like many of us, hates to answer his phone for a number he does not recognize. What solidified the decision was last month, when J spent a week at a Carnegie Museum day camp. I signed her up as a self-sign out, which meant, as the name suggests, that she could sign herself out each day, rather than wait for me. I had no intention of her actually doing that, but I figured if I ever ran late getting there (I was a 5-minute drive or a 9-minute walk), then I could just meet her at the entrance. Unfortunately, her very first day the...

I have pretty much never written about work. At least not in detail. Not this job. Not my last job; well, until I was let go. And then I wrote about it afterwards. I still think my good-bye email to the office was one of my best pieces of writing to date. Things at work have been slow. That is pretty typical for the summer. And we work pretty hard throughout the year, so it is not altogether unpleasant to be slow (though I prefer to be busy), particularly when we get out .5 to 1.5 hours early most Fridays. But things were becoming unnervingly slow. We did not have many contracts on the horizon. Then we heard about people (the people whose work we do) leaving. First it was one person. Then another. When we got to the fourth and fifth, I was downright panicking. And then last week, we were told about a mandatory, full company meeting on Monday (yesterday). I did not like the sound of that. Not one bit. I felt very uneasy the entire weekend. The only reason I was not in a full-on pani...

When you have a baby, you are (usually) convinced it can never get more challenging than it seems at the beginning. The sleepless nights. The worries that something is wrong with your kid. The anxiety that she will stop breathing in the middle of the night. I certainly felt that way the first few months or even years with J. At some point, though, even when things continued to become challenging in different ways, somewhere deep down I knew things were going to get a lot harder. I knew that eventually my little kid would grow up and have bigger issues. After all, my mom was fond of saying, "Little kids, little problems; bigger kids, bigger problems." As my baby grew into a preteen, there was the stress of grades. Too much homework. Trouble with girls ignoring her. The disappointment of a boy not liking her. Now that she is entering 7th grade, I know that in addition to those challenges, all the "big" scary things are not too far away. Recently on FB, I wrote a...

Lately, I have had some anxiety. I have been waking up within an hour of when I fall asleep (partially because my bladder has its own timetable). And then I lie awake, worrying about various things. Mostly I worry that I am failing as a parent. I worry that I allow my child to be disrespectful to me more than she should. I worry that I am not forcing my shy child to do more things. And I worry that the few things I am pushing her to do will make her resent me. I worry that she gets stressed about school. I worry that she is bothered because she does not have a lot of friends. I worry because I don't know why that is. I worry that we will be stuck in our house in our bad school district, a place where we would not send our child to high school when she graduates in two years (two years!). Then I worry that our somewhat introverted child will have to go to cyber school. Because there is just no way that we could afford to send her to Catholic high school, for which tuition is curre...

When I turned 35, my ob-gyn gave me a prescription to have a mammogram done. I ignored it, not for any one good reason. When I came back for my exam the next year, I sheepishly told her I would need   another   prescription since I neglected to have my mammogram done during that past year. Doc informed me the guidelines had changed, and I would not need to get it done until 40 now. I felt downright smug I had procrastinated. A couple weeks shy of 41, I finally went. While there, I announced to the technician that it was my first time. She told me that they should give out stickers. I agreed. Regardless, the imaging did not take too long, and although it was not pleasant, it was not as bad as I had envisioned. About two weeks ago, a friend posted about her mammogram experience. That served as a reminder that  my  mammogram was overdue; it had been more than two years. So I called the next day, and was actually able to get in, in just a few hours (the hospital i...

I am a worrier. Many nights I purposefully stay up late in the hopes I will be too tired to think. Some worries are small, some are big, and most I have little to no control of. But worry, ponder, and debate I do. During my nice Christmas break, I spent more money than I should have. I am normally careful about my spending, but I decided to let loose a little, and not feel guilty for every dime I spent. (That is not to say I did not feel guilty for many of the dimes I spent.) And in the back of my mind, I pondered the what-ifs. What if our old roof went? What if one of our vehicles needed a major repair (I did replace four tires on NY's Eve)? And what if one of us lost our job? I think I can go ahead and make this generalization: Once you have been laid off, you know it can happen again, so it never leaves your mind completely. It may be tucked away, under some older memories or perhaps next to a to-do list. But it is there. And when your husband has had two pay cuts and no raises...

This is not going to be about health care; I just don't have the energy to talk about that. No, this post is about going to the doctor. Fun! Like an intelligent woman that I sometimes I am, I regularly go to a gynecologist. But the "regular" doctor? Not so much. I figure I get my heart rate and blood pressure checked at the gyne (along with my women parts), so what else would a regular doctor really do? I do try to get to one of those about every four or five years, and I get blood work, so I figure I am all set. Not quite, I guess. I was last at the "regular" doctor about 3 years and 10 months ago. I had been having leg pains, and I worried that it was something serious. So the doc checked me out and did some blood work. Nothing came of that, life went on, so I figured I was in the clear. Then a few months ago, I had to pick a PCP because of my new (via job) health insurance, and I went with that same practice I had gone to almost four years ago. The ...

I miss the days of blogging regularly. Unfortunately, life gets in the way, and the little time I have for myself in the evening is often wasted on TV or the stupid smart phone. And it is way too annoying to bang out a post on a phone. I want to blog about my and the kid seeing the big yellow duck at the Point. I want to blog about the Pirates winning season, amazing wildcard win, and decent showing in the playoffs. I want to blog about the good things at work. I want to blog about some interesting bus tales now that I am a regular bus rider. I want to blog about my future career as a badminton player (wink, wink). I want to blog about little things that have made me happy. But despite the many good things in my life, sometimes there are things that just get me down and frustrate me. Things in life that disappoint me. Things that make me sad. Things I analyze and question over and over. Things that really concern me. Things that I wish there were easy or at least obvious answers for....

I wonder how many others obsess about money the way I do. And by do , I mean do, did, and do again. When hubby and I were both working for however-many years the last time around, I often worried that we did not have enough money, even though we were able to put a nice chunk of change in the banks every month. I cannot explain this somewhat irrational fear, though I am guessing it is mostly related to our making less than many others I knew. And then when I was first laid off, I worried even more, because all of a sudden our income was drastically reduced. So if I was worried before, it made sense that I would have a world of worry at that point. But eventually my worrying lessened, even though I went several years without a steady income. Being frugal and boring to begin with meant that we did not have to give up too much (oh, we definitely gave up stuff). And caring very little about material things helped tremendously. If we had been spenders who had debt on our credit cards and...

I am considering taking a break (again) from blogging. As I have lamented about before, I don't feel as if I can say everything I want to for various reasons (even though there are some things I really want to say and almost need to). I also am not sure too many people are reading the blog anyway (I hardly think the referring sites that I have never heard of and quite obviously seem to be spam really count). I have never wanted or needed a big following, but when only a handful of people comment on and/or send me an email about a post and I can't get off my chest what I really want to, I am not sure there is much of a point. Besides, it is not as if I have been writing often or about much anyway. So I guess I will leave you with what is happening now, some of it, unfortunately, not without angst (at a level I am willing to share). I have adjusted fairly well to working again, but I am not sure my kid has. She has been very moody and sassy lately. I have not done well in pun...

I started getting occasional bouts of insomnia when the kid was a baby. I don't recall how often my sleepless nights would occur back then, though I very vividly remember one fall night when I got up to do work. But for the past few years, I would say I have had trouble sleeping anywhere from a dozen to several dozen times a year. Typically it is stress-related, but not always. This latest wave began when I was offered the job for which I have now completed my first month. It was really bad the week before my job started and the first week of, but it has settled down since. Unfortunately, I still cannot seem to go more than four or five days without getting only a few hours of sleep in one night. The good news is that because I have been quite busy at work I don't really notice how tired I am. Surprisingly (and I hope I am not jinxing myself or tempting fate by saying this) I still can manage to react quickly in traffic, something I have to do pretty often. But there are ti...

Although I don't like creepy, crawly things, I am not afraid of them and am perfectly able to kill them when I see them. I like the dark, heights don't bother me too much (though I don't love them), and ghosts don't concern me (not sure if they are real, but have not ruled them out either). So what worries me and sometimes keeps me awake at night (or infiltrates me dreams)? This first one is really, really strange, and kind of gross: overflowing toilets. This goes back to a time when I was in high school, and upon flushing the toilet in the "big bathroom" of our house, the water starting pouring over the seat. I freaked out! I can still picture it happening and my subsequent panicking as water flowed onto the floor. I don't recall who was at home who came to my rescue and, presumably, turned the water off. What I do recall is being afraid to flush the toilet when I was home alone after that for weeks if not longer. Fortunately, I have never overflowed a...

This afternoon while at the pool, J told me to put out my arms as she was going to jump into them. I obliged for some reason, but quickly regretted it, as her weight put quite a strain on my back. I grimaced in pain, which made J feel bad, and she immediately said, "I don't want to get older. I just want to stay like this," amid tears. She then went on to say that she does not want to grow up and that she wants to always live with us. I told her, as I have before, that of course she can always live with us, but I also said that when she is a teen, she probably won't want to be near us. Then she will go on to college and have fun and again won't think home is so great. Eventually she may find someone to marry, and she will want to be with that person. And she may one day have kids and will love them as much as I love her and they will be whom she wants to be with. Her response to this? "But when I have kids, you'll be dead." Sheesh, girl, it's n...