Facie’s Ramblings

At this very moment in my life, I feel okay. Overall, I am a pretty positive, optimistic person. When I get down, it rarely last more than a couple of hours. Even when someone does me wrong, depending on the person, I am usually over it within an hour (my kid) or a few hours or a half a day (the hubby) or a day or so (coworker or friend). I used to hold grudges much longer. But life is short, and I have learned to let things go. But lately, I have these days, sometimes fortunately only half days, where I feel overcome. This usually happens to me as I am lying awake at night, fretting about something. Mostly it is my kid and various things around that, not the least of which is her going to high school in the fall a bit of a distance from our house. I fret about my job, which is not stable. I fret about the husband's unemployment. After more than a half year without work, he finally starts a job in two weeks, but that brings with it some different anxieties. I fret about my variou...

A few things have been weighing on my mind lately. Most notable has been the hub's job. The company he has worked for for more than 7 years has not been doing well for, well, years. Paychecks have been late for at least a year or two. His salary was cut long before that, never to be brought back. And, even though the economy is better than it was earlier this decade, it still is not great, thus keeping the hubs at that job. Still, we both knew the biggest advantage of his job was that he got to work from home. Being able to get out of bed just before your starting time, particularly when you are not a morning person, is pretty great. Not having to sit in traffic most days, also pretty great. And being able to take a late lunch so you can get your kid from school and bring her back home, saving on after-school care, also pretty darn good. J will be 13 at the end of the summer. We had decided that we were going to transition her to staying by herself by letting her do that 2 or 3 d...

Another month has passed without my blogging. I (sometimes) long for the days when I would blog several times  a week. I am just in a weird place now, and I am not sure blogging will help. Plus with the rather boring life I lead, there really is not much to say. But I will try to say a few things that are on my mind. The Steelers are the playoffs! I used to be so excited by that. And I am still a little. I will certainly be watching the game. I am wearing my Hines jersey as we speak. But I no longer get really worked up by a game. I don't cry when my team loses a big game. I no longer post a lot about the Steelers as I used to on Facebook and a little on here. This season is the second in a row I did not go to a single game, which is now my longest streak. My family got season tickets when I was in high school (can't remember when). I went to a game or two a year then. In college, I probably went to only one per year. Once I graduated and up until I had Jordan 10 years later,...

For not the first, second, or third time, I have started a blog post and never finished it. In fact, since I have started this blog, I have begun 42 blog posts that I never completed. Probably half of them were pretty well formed, but either I could not pull the trigger (I felt I was sharing too much) or I just could not bring myself to finish it, for various reasons, including time, forgetfulness, or boredom with the subject. This will not be draft 43! As I have lamented here a couple of times in the past few years, I miss writing a regular blog post. It was therapeutic to get things out there, because I am fond of myself (mostly), I like sharing my opinion, and it was (or will be) great for my less-than-stellar memory. But I just don't have too many worthwhile things to say anymore. Mostly because I lead a pretty boring life. But also because I vacillate about too many things, which comes from being a liberal republican, if there is such a thing. A few things have been weig...

I have pretty much never written about work. At least not in detail. Not this job. Not my last job; well, until I was let go. And then I wrote about it afterwards. I still think my good-bye email to the office was one of my best pieces of writing to date. Things at work have been slow. That is pretty typical for the summer. And we work pretty hard throughout the year, so it is not altogether unpleasant to be slow (though I prefer to be busy), particularly when we get out .5 to 1.5 hours early most Fridays. But things were becoming unnervingly slow. We did not have many contracts on the horizon. Then we heard about people (the people whose work we do) leaving. First it was one person. Then another. When we got to the fourth and fifth, I was downright panicking. And then last week, we were told about a mandatory, full company meeting on Monday (yesterday). I did not like the sound of that. Not one bit. I felt very uneasy the entire weekend. The only reason I was not in a full-on pani...

I am a worrier. Many nights I purposefully stay up late in the hopes I will be too tired to think. Some worries are small, some are big, and most I have little to no control of. But worry, ponder, and debate I do. During my nice Christmas break, I spent more money than I should have. I am normally careful about my spending, but I decided to let loose a little, and not feel guilty for every dime I spent. (That is not to say I did not feel guilty for many of the dimes I spent.) And in the back of my mind, I pondered the what-ifs. What if our old roof went? What if one of our vehicles needed a major repair (I did replace four tires on NY's Eve)? And what if one of us lost our job? I think I can go ahead and make this generalization: Once you have been laid off, you know it can happen again, so it never leaves your mind completely. It may be tucked away, under some older memories or perhaps next to a to-do list. But it is there. And when your husband has had two pay cuts and no raises...

Once again I have slacked off with posting. I did write about/sing the praises of RiverQuest, an educational boat ride on the North Shore, so please check that out in my previous post below! Anyway, here is what has been going on in my life since last time. J is done with 5th grade. Hooray. This was a tough year for a number of reasons. She had a lot of HW up until the end; she had only one homework-free weekend the entire year, which I disagree with. She also was no longer friends with the group of friends she had been (their friendships ended at the very end of 4th. Looking on the bright side, we saved some money by missing out on birthday invites, and I did not and will not have to worry about taking time off work to get her to various gatherings held during the week. :-)  I tell J that I went to an even smaller Catholic school and also did not have a lot of friends, but high school and college were different, each better than the previous. Things are still going well at ...

I often "mark" or delineate my life by certain points. Moving to Pittsburgh 18 years ago next month is one. Getting married, having J, and my company (old job) moving locations were others.  Five years ago last month, I was laid off. In several and great ways that marked the end of one life and the beginning of another. When I try to remember events, I often ask myself if they came before or after that. I had wanted to write a post to mark that five-year anniversary, but did not get around to it. I am quite certain I will remember that date for years to come, though that it was Friday the 13th is probably a bigger reason. Regardless, for several years, much of my blog was colored by that loss. Just a few weeks after that gut-punching, life-changing event, I was affected more profoundly by the death of two children, Kate and Peter. I have written about that over the years as well. Today marks five years since their tragic passing. I never go more than a week or so without thin...

Yesterday, I met with about 15 former coworkers from the job I was at the longest (almost 13 years). About once every year or two, someone sends out an email and tries to gather together as many people as possible for an afternoon or evening on the South Side of Pittsburgh. Although I could not tell you how many coworkers I had at that job (in 13 years, a lot of people come and go), I am lucky to say that I worked with a lot of great people over the years. And even though I keep in touch with a only a handful of them on a regular basis, it sure is nice to see some "old" faces every now and again. And speaking of old... I missed the gathering that was held in 2012. So the last time I saw most of these people was in the summer of 2011. And it could have even been 2010, as the years seem to run into each other. A few people I had not seen since I left that job (five years ago Thursday!), and one person I had not seen in probably several years before that. Most everyone loo...

I am convinced I have one of the shortest memories. Before I accepted my current job, just before Easter last year, I thought (and by thought, I really mean fretted) about summer child care, which was something I had not had to think about ever. J started out at an at-home daycare when she was about four months old and she continued going there until she went to kindergarten. I was out of work a few months before kindergarten ended, so summer care was not an issue. But this spring, we worried and searched and ended up finding a place for J to go to this past summer with with we were mostly happy. And then school started back up again, where J also attends after-school care five days a week. So I thought we were all set. Yes, there are days off here and there throughout the school year, but between my job's nice holiday time off and a friend and a few relatives, we work it out. It helps that we know about those days at the beginning of the year. But this week, we had something w...

On Facebook this week, a handful of people said good riddance to 2013. The self-absorbed person in me was surprised to read that. What? People had bad years? But then I remembered, it is not all about me, and others have had crap handed to them. At the end of 2009, I am pretty sure I would have called it a good year. Yes, I was laid off after almost 13 years at the same place. But I had unemployment comp, subbing, and a tiny bit of freelance work to keep us going, and, more importantly, I got to spend time with my kid! But, just as significant in my mind, both the Steelers and the Pens won championships! That was seriously such a fantastic year for Pittsburgh sports. I still smile when I think about it.:-) I don't have strong feelings about 2010-2012. I don't recall anything too great or awful; and nothing really significant must have happened. Oh, wait, I just remembered now, my mom was sick in 2010. But, hey, she got better! I guess time really does diminish some memories...

Even though things are hectic, I really enjoy this time of year. Some people are grouchier than usual, sure. I think people's driving skills seem to denigrate as well. But I tend to see the good in people and the season. I own several Santa hats--a Penn State one, a Steelers one, and a red one. I looked for a Penguins hat over the past few weeks, but no luck. Admittedly, this year I have not worn them much; I think I am still feeling my way around the job/people. But I did break down on a few occasions. First, I  wore my Steeler hat on my birthday a few weeks ago (I did not think my PSU hat would be appropriate where I work), along with a self-promoting birthday pin that I have worn for the past 17 birthdays and a bell. I took the hat off for the picture. At our building Christmas party last week, I again opted for the bell and Steeler hat. I was one of two people (out of around 50, I would guess) wearing something like that, and I was surprised there was not more festive ...

I started getting occasional bouts of insomnia when the kid was a baby. I don't recall how often my sleepless nights would occur back then, though I very vividly remember one fall night when I got up to do work. But for the past few years, I would say I have had trouble sleeping anywhere from a dozen to several dozen times a year. Typically it is stress-related, but not always. This latest wave began when I was offered the job for which I have now completed my first month. It was really bad the week before my job started and the first week of, but it has settled down since. Unfortunately, I still cannot seem to go more than four or five days without getting only a few hours of sleep in one night. The good news is that because I have been quite busy at work I don't really notice how tired I am. Surprisingly (and I hope I am not jinxing myself or tempting fate by saying this) I still can manage to react quickly in traffic, something I have to do pretty often. But there are ti...

I am so tired, but wanted to get in a quick post. Here goes a lot of random crap: I hate traffic. I don't imagine too many people like it, but lately it has taken me between 40 to 47 minutes to drive 6.2 miles in the morning (this does not include the time/miles it takes me to get my kid to school first), which seems a little crazy. Worth noting is I have gone several different ways, with and without a tunnel. But, no, I am still not ready to go the route of public transportation. And I don't even want to talk about my commute home.* Job is busy but still going well. I am really liking it so far and feeling more comfortable as the days go on. I actually walk down 240 steps and up 30 steps in the morning. It is the 240 steps I have to walk back up at the end of the day that leave me breathless (but I just may have thighs of steel before too long, so there is that ). Unfortunately, among lack of sleep (cursed insomnia), working all day, and having to cram many things in dur...

I am super tired after my first full workweek since just before my kid was born. (Actually, I think I had a five-day sub stint last year, but this is different.) So how did it go? I think pretty well. :-) Here are some random observations before I head to bed: The work is pretty interesting overall. The teacher in me is fascinated and challenged by the units/lessons I am reviewing, and the editor/proofreader in me is full speed ahead finding typos, wording issues, and layout inconsistencies. I am happy to say that one of the woman I have been working with told me she was really impressed with all the things I questioned/found. It is nice to be complimented during the first couple of days. The people are really nice and friendly. I have not detected any egos, just people who work together and want to help one another (and me). As I was sitting with my coworkers at lunch today, I mostly felt as if I had worked there for a long time. (I also discovered I do not care much for pan-f...

Four years and two weeks ago, I wrote a blog post that contained the good-bye email I wrote to my coworkers on the occasion of my last day of work. I was pretty proud of that note, which was quite hard to write as it reflected almost 13 years of being with one company, which is pretty rare in this century. I reread that note this morning to remind myself of what I had said, as that time feels like a lifetime ago. One sentence struck me: I am not sure where I will go from here or what I will do (although I fear cooking will be part of my immediate future), but I like to think onward and upward. I really had no idea what it was I was going to do or how long I would be without steady employment. Never did I suspect I would more or less be a SAHM who subbed and freelanced on occasion (sometimes the subbing and freelancing were often; other times I could go weeks without working). But here I am, just over four years later, getting ready to head back to steady employment. ...

For some people, 2012 was really awful. For others, 2012 brought many blessings. For me, 2012 was pretty good and mostly uneventful; there is not any one particular things that stands out for me. I had a short-term job for almost three months. But, much like my last steady/regular job, it seems like almost a lifetime ago. I also did some freelance work for the company where I used to work, and at times, I kind of felt as if I still worked there. And of course there was subbing. I won't even venture a guess as to what 2013 has in store for me job-wise. I am, however, pretty worried about my impending 2012 tax bill. Our run of getting a nice chunk of change back and putting it toward home improvement is over, at least for this year. I just hope we (I) don't owe too much money... I ran, swam, and did Zumba, but did not set the world on fire in any of those areas. Of course, I ran in the Race for Pace 5k and earned a third place medal ( albeit several weeks after the fact ), so...

In a span of about four hours on Tuesday, I went from worrying about summer childcare for my kid and my unknown work schedule on two projects, to thinking I was going to be working from home on only one project (thus needing a lot less childcare), to finding out all my work was wrapping up due to budget issues (thus needing no childcare). Sigh. Have I mentioned recently how much I hate the economy? I just heard on the news today that the Pittsburgh Public Schools are sending out almost 300 provisional furlough notices. I know of so many people who are either looking for work or who have had to settle for something. I know even more people who have not gotten a raise in years even though the cost of living has continued to go up. When does it end? As for my situation, it is not so bad, really. I highly recommend getting laid off to anyone. Seriously. Once you have gone through that and figured out how to survive it, most work-related things that come after are not so bad. When I s...

I just wrote two very short (incomplete, really) and entirely different blog posts, and I decided to delete them both. I want to share things that have been going on in my life, if for no other reason than to document events. But I just cannot seem to get into the groove of blog writing. Oddly, I have started writing in my journal again over the past few months, something I had not realized how much I missed. As I said in a post some time ago, I am unwilling to lay it all out here for anyone to read. I don't care what strangers think about me. But I do have friends and the occasional relative who read my posts, and I am pretty sure there are a number of people I am connected with one way or the other (two or three degrees of separation) to whom I cannot bare my soul to. And that is where my trusty, not-out-there-for-all-to-see journal comes in. I can write about a fight that Brian and I had and not worry that someone will think my marriage is in trouble. I can lament about wo...

When I lie awake at night, often post ideas swim around my head, most of which are pretty good. But when I wake up the next day (or at least when I have the time to sit down and write a post), those great ideas and half-written-in-my-head posts have disappeared. So I just thought I would throw a few things out there. I went to a fashion show today, to support J's school. Considering my near lack of fashion, it is kind of funny, but it was actually a nice time, made better by my winning a small door prize. If nothing else, I was happy to see a pair of medium-length shorts on one of the eight-grade models. Anymore, it seems as if shorts come in two sizes — an inch or two just below the butt or well below the knees, which I guess are not really shorts. Hooray for a happy medium! In case you were wondering, being out of work for three years is kind of like a lifetime. Unfortunately, those few freelance projects over the past few years as well as my share of subbing are just not the...