tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3340086915925016532.post3002644293489835949..comments2023-10-07T10:27:56.685-04:00Comments on Facie’s Ramblings: Why do they stand up there and say that when they are just lying?Faciehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12165861407055831754noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3340086915925016532.post-74798485179548888412012-09-29T10:46:20.472-04:002012-09-29T10:46:20.472-04:00Mel: I love your quote: "It's work. The p...Mel: I love your quote: "It's work. The people who say it isn't are either incredibly rare or lying." I have said similar things, but I also add that a lot of the rare ones seem to suffer in other ways, so I am glad they have that special relationship. And then there are those that have such a sunny disposition and are able to always to see the good that they can overlook the things that bug most of the rest of us.<br /><br />Your comment of "be sure" is right on. Years ago, from when I compiled marriage quotes for a book, one contribution has always stuck in my mind: Marry the right person to begin with. Amen!Faciehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12165861407055831754noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3340086915925016532.post-74043596215103594722012-09-29T10:42:34.784-04:002012-09-29T10:42:34.784-04:00Chris: I think being able to walk away is both sma...Chris: I think being able to walk away is both smart and brave. Too many times you see people who are together so long that they just figure they might as well get married, particularly b/c they have so much time invested. Glad you felt right about Mike!<br />Faciehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12165861407055831754noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3340086915925016532.post-66092974917604965942012-09-28T09:48:52.567-04:002012-09-28T09:48:52.567-04:00this is a tough one. I don't think there's...this is a tough one. I don't think there's only one person for everyone. and I think most of the time, staying married is an intentional choice to keep a promise. it's work. the people who say it isn't are either incredibly rare or lying. some days it is fun; some days, to quote Jerry Maquire, it is a "pride-swallowing siege." I went in from the Christian, this-is-a-covenant perspective, so I'm in it for keeps unless he cheats, beats me, or dies. and honestly, if he goes first, I like to believe I'll be content to be single. I can only tell every young person I know, BE SURE b/c this is hard and it's forever, if you do it right. the people who aren't in it until the end of one of their lives, probably shouldn't do it at all.<br /><br />some good topics of late, facie! got people talking!Melhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01886668831972641673noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3340086915925016532.post-58504037332101436382012-09-28T09:29:55.985-04:002012-09-28T09:29:55.985-04:00Great post, Facie. I lived with someone for 8 year...Great post, Facie. I lived with someone for 8 years but we did not walk down the aisle...I think because we knew in our hearts it wasn't right/wouldn't work. When I did get married, I felt very confident that it WAS right and WOULD work. You definitely have to trust your heart/instincts and not get all caught up in the wedding (love the prom analogy -- so true).chris h.http://www.writingbyear.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3340086915925016532.post-49749586134224762362012-09-25T12:37:45.483-04:002012-09-25T12:37:45.483-04:00Anonymous: I would also love to know how many of t...Anonymous: I would also love to know how many of the people who really believe they have married their soul mate/the person who is perfect for them are still together. I can understand wanting to gag when people say that, but for me it is more of a sadness. Still, I can remember during an Oscar (or something else) acceptance speech when Jim Carrey said he would slay a dragon for Lauren Holly. I really felt as if they had this special love. But, like most Hollywood couples, they did not last that long. Knowing that even people who seem to have a storybook romance don't always make it makes me feel better!<br /><br />I am sorry that your road has been rocky. I suspect that is the case for many people, particularly ones who are independent and realistic. Refer to Kristen's comment above. :-)<br />Faciehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12165861407055831754noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3340086915925016532.post-72002130240303195142012-09-25T12:27:39.549-04:002012-09-25T12:27:39.549-04:00Bluz: Your story reminded me of a guy I know who f...Bluz: Your story reminded me of a guy I know who for quite some time was having reservations about his upcoming wedding. At a wedding that was about nine months before his, during the vow exchange, he said out loud, "I don't want to get married." I am not even sure he knew he said it (and I don't remember if his fiancee heard him, but I sure did!). <br /><br />I normally would never tell someone not to get married, even if I thought it was wrong, but I (and others) told him to really think about it/be sure. I recall saying something like if he had this much doubt for this many months, it would be best to call it off, particularly before the invites went out (at this point dresses had been purchased, deposits were made, etc.). With about three months to go, he called it off, and many years later he went on to marry someone else, and they have been married for almost a decade. All that said, I think if he would have married the first person, he would/could have made it work.<br /><br />I also know of someone else (secondhand info) who had doubts, and her father told her just before he walked her down the aisle that she could back out. She chose not to, and the marriage lasted less than a year.<br /><br />I totally get thinking you are in too deep. I am so glad I was not in that position. Of course, hubby and I did get into a fight on our wedding night (I often forget about that), so not sure that is much better! :-)Faciehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12165861407055831754noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3340086915925016532.post-16782913482914212012012-09-25T12:21:04.777-04:002012-09-25T12:21:04.777-04:00Kristen: That is nice that you wrote your own vows...Kristen: That is nice that you wrote your own vows. I would have loved to have done that, but I am pretty sure the Catholic church would have frowned on that. True 'dat about worthwhile things not being easy.<br />Faciehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12165861407055831754noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3340086915925016532.post-71031567967935228302012-09-25T11:57:03.055-04:002012-09-25T11:57:03.055-04:00Like you, I'd like to think most people at lea...Like you, I'd like to think most people at least hope it is going to last. I took my vows seriously, but I was not one of those 'Oh, I am so in love' girls who just knew her man was her destiny. Honestly, I kind of want to gag when I hear people say things like that. Part of that comes from jealousy. If someone asked me would I do it all over again, I would probably say no, only say yes because of the kids. This is not to say I don't love my spouse. It has been a rocky road more so than I anticipated. Maybe I had only one eye open.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3340086915925016532.post-59133228198909375232012-09-24T18:25:37.910-04:002012-09-24T18:25:37.910-04:00Between the time we got engaged and our wedding da...Between the time we got engaged and our wedding date, (during which we bought a house and moved in together), I developed a certain sense that things were not going to be as rosy as I might have liked.<br /><br />Her 8-yr old son was already becoming a big problem, as I learned that they really didn't like each other and fought constantly. I underestimated the degree to which I'd get sucked up in all that.<br /><br />As W Day grew near, I definitely had reservations, but by then, I was in way too deep to back out. So I plunged forward with a forced sense of optimism. I thought I could straighten everyone out with a little patience and common sense.<br /><br />We lasted 3 years... Live and learn.bluzdudehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05991272670722362652noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3340086915925016532.post-84956784128048948242012-09-24T13:58:21.135-04:002012-09-24T13:58:21.135-04:00Ooh, I love this. It seems like there are so many ...Ooh, I love this. It seems like there are so many stories these days about marriages that don't even last a few months, let alone a few years. I can certainly see where your daughter's skepticism comes from.<br /><br />My husband and I wrote our own vows and "'til death do us part" wasn't among them. But, like you, we promised our own version of richer/poorer/sickness/health. It hasn't always been easy; then again, what's ever worthwhile that is?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com